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Thread: Words of Wisdom

  1. #1
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    Words of Wisdom

    1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather -- who died
    peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in
    his car."
    --Author Unknown

    2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
    get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
    "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"
    --Author Unknown

    3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's
    a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and
    they meet at the bar."
    --Drew Carey

    4) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
    I don't like and just give her a house,"
    --Rod Stewart

    5) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
    desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have
    fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong
    house."
    --Jeff Foxworthy

    7) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
    saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
    without even considering if there is a man on base."
    --Dave Barry

    9) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we
    should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to
    leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There
    should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they
    should have to find you a temp."
    --Bob Ettinger

    10) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in
    the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
    'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
    --Paula Poundstone

    11) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have
    better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of
    that study: "Duh."
    --Conan O'Brien

    12) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm
    halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my Gosh....
    I could be eating a slow learner."
    --Lynda Montgomery

    13) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in
    New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the
    poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
    --Richard Jeni

    14) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
    impersonators would be dead."
    --Johnny Carson

    15) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
    --Paul Rodriguez

    16) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned
    sixty, and that's the law."
    --Jerry Seinfeld

    17) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of
    fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest
    to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall
    people burn slower?"
    --Warren Hutcherson

    19) "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a
    member of Congress ... But I repeat myself."
    --Mark Twain

    20) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
    student. At least they can find Afghanistan!"
    --A. Whitney Brown

    21) "Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to
    rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
    --Robin Williams

    22) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I
    think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
    --Roseanne

    23) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
    --Billy Crystal

    24) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give
    you a look that says, "My Gosh, you're right! I never would've
    thought of that!'"
    --Dave Barry

    25) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease was
    taken.
    --Unknown, presumed deceased
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  2. #2
    kjlaw's Avatar
    kjlaw is offline Swamp Mafia Proud!!!
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    Very true for the most part
    Lead from the front and always remember those who came first.



    Capt. Ocativo "OX" Gonzalez
    EOW 6/16/06


    Always remember that a casket is hotter than your vest.

    Quote Originally Posted by conalabu View Post
    Soon the whole world will be in the hands of the Swamp Mafia.

  3. #3
    mavriktu's Avatar
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    Loved em every one.

 

 

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