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  1. #1
    PSDIVERTOM is offline Banned
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    Cool How do you tell the difference between a Canadian, an Australian, and an American LEO???

    Question:

    How do you tell the difference between a Canadian Police Officer,
    an Australian Police Officer, and an American Police Officer?

    Pose the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small

    children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around
    the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and
    charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have
    mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

    What do you do?

    CANADIAN POLICE OFFICERS
    Answer: (Immediate thought processes)

    Is the knife a ceremonial kirpan?

    Does he prefer to communicate in English or French?
    Will this negatively impact my chances of promotion?
    Is this just his way of telling me that he pays my wages, and wants my job?
    Would this be an appropriate time to hug him and sing Koombaya?
    Will the media do a profile of him and how he was loved by everyone
    including his dog?
    Is the alleged "client" a member of the NDP or an Environmental Group?
    Is he just a squeegee kid / pan handler trying to make a living on the mean
    streets?
    Is he a member of a gang that is just "misunderstood" by society?
    Is he a recent illegal immigrant to this country, and just doesn't know how
    to approach the police?
    Is he recently released on parole and hasn't been properly integrated back
    into the community?
    Is he a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome, and just doesn't understand what
    he is doing?
    Is he a member of the Muslim community or other visible minority group?
    Warn and Charter him as he approaches.

    AUSTRALIAN OFFICERS

    Answer: BANG!

    AMERICAN OFFICERS

    Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG! Click....

    (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.


    ______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________________ __________________________

    COP QUOTE:
    (me)

    Do you realize that in about 40 years we will have thousands of old ladies
    running around with tattoos and pierced navels?

  2. #2
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    That's pretty good! I can't help but wonder what an English cop would do?
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  3. #3
    Jenna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith720 View Post
    That's pretty good! I can't help but wonder what an English cop would do?
    He'll sigh at how bad things have gotten since the Colonials took over.

  4. #4
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith720 View Post
    That's pretty good! I can't help but wonder what an English cop would do?
    Disarm him, using the least force possible and call for a van to transport the prisoner in. Simple really, next question?
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

  5. #5
    keith720's Avatar
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    Good answer, Trojan. Do you make them wear funny hats and drink warm beer, then?
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  6. #6
    Ducky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PSDIVERTOM View Post
    COP QUOTE:
    (me)

    Do you realize that in about 40 years we will have thousands of old ladies
    running around with tattoos and pierced navels?
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith720 View Post
    Good answer, Trojan. Do you make them wear funny hats and drink warm beer, then?
    No we wear the funny hat, the sight of it is designed to confuse strangers to this land of warm beer and fish and chips.
    the sole advantage of power is that you can do more good.
    ( Baltasar Gracian )

  8. #8
    keith720's Avatar
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    No we wear the funny hat, the sight of it is designed to confuse strangers to this land of warm beer and fish and chips.

    Now that is some funny stuff!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  9. #9
    bayern's Avatar
    bayern is offline Officer First Class
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith720 View Post
    That's pretty good! I can't help but wonder what an English cop would do?
    I say, old chap, cease and desist, or I will issue you a STERN CAUTION.

  10. #10
    Hannibal's Avatar
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    I hate to be the party pooper, but if your Glock goes "click" when it runs dry, you either need to man up with your limp wrist or check with the armorer.


    Very funny though!

    "Stupid should hurt."

  11. #11
    MacLean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannibal View Post
    I hate to be the party pooper, but if your Glock goes "click" when it runs dry, you either need to man up with your limp wrist or check with the armorer.
    reps!
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  12. #12
    MacLean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trojan 42 View Post
    Disarm him, using the least force possible and call for a van to transport the prisoner in. Simple really, next question?
    Don't forget to call the ambulance for the numerous slice/penetration wounds achieved whilst subduing the miscreant.

    BTW, I will give you the fish and chips. Nobody can make them right here.
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  13. #13
    213th's Avatar
    213th is offline Solipsist
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    Quote Originally Posted by maclean View Post
    Don't forget to call the ambulance for the numerous slice/penetration wounds achieved whilst subduing the miscreant.

    BTW, I will give you the fish and chips. Nobody can make them right here.
    or the coroner
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  14. #14
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
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    Quote Originally Posted by maclean View Post
    Don't forget to call the ambulance for the numerous slice/penetration wounds achieved whilst subduing the miscreant.
    I don't intend to get into a pissing contest with you Mac, but most UK cops disarm people with knives on a regular basis and were doing so long before CS Spray, Tasers, etc. were available. I certainly have, and only have a small scar on my thumb from one incident and a small car on my wrist from another.

    (Having said that if I'd had a gun they would have been shot. )
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

  15. #15
    MacLean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trojan 42 View Post
    I don't intend to get into a pissing contest with you Mac, but most UK cops disarm people with knives on a regular basis and were doing so long before CS Spray, Tasers, etc. were available. I certainly have, and only have a small scar on my thumb from one incident and a small car on my wrist from another.

    (Having said that if I'd had a gun they would have been shot. )
    No pissing contest at all sir, your last line summed it up nicely

    I've also disarmed a knife wielder, but now I'm less likely to take the chance.
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  16. #16
    PSDIVERTOM is offline Banned
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    Oh Oh!! Looks like I may have stirred a bit of shit here, Resident smart ass move over, here I come!!!

 

 

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