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  1. #1
    bluescop's Avatar
    bluescop is offline Officer First Class
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    Disorder in the Court

    Disorder in the Court
    >
    > These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,
    and
    are
    > things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
    down and
    now
    > published by court reporters that had the torment of staying
    calm
    while
    > these exchanges were actually taking place
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    > WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    > ______________________________
    > ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    > WITNESS: July 18th.
    > ATTORNEY: What year?
    > WITNESS: Every year.
    > ______________________________ _______
    > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
    at all?
    > WITNESS: Yes.
    > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    > WITNESS: I forget.
    > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
    you
    forgot?
    > ______________________________ _______
    > ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    > WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    > ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    > WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    > ______________________________ _______
    > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
    that
    morning?
    > WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    > WITNESS: My name is Susan.
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
    in
    voodoo?
    > WITNESS: We both do.
    > ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    > WITNESS: We do.
    > ATTORNEY: You do?
    > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
    in his
    sleep,
    > he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    > ______________________________ _____
    > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
    he?
    > WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
    > ______________________________ __________
    > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    > WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
    8th?
    > WITNESS: Yes.
    > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    > WITNESS: Uh....
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    > WITNESS: Yes.
    > ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    > WITNESS: None.
    > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    > WITNESS: By death
    > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition
    > notice which I sent to your attorney?
    > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
    performed on
    dead
    > people?
    > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
    did you
    go
    > to?
    > WITNESS: Oral.
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
    > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
    doing an

    > autopsy on him!
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    > WITNESS: Huh?
    > ______________________________ ________
    > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
    check for
    a
    > pulse?
    > WITNESS: No.
    > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    > WITNESS: No.
    > ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
    > WITNESS: No.
    > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
    when
    you
    > began the autopsy?
    > WITNESS: No.
    > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    > ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?
    > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

  2. #2
    Roses's Avatar
    Roses is offline Member
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    ROFL! Very funny!
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  3. #3
    TacticalII's Avatar
    TacticalII is offline Member
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    Nice

 

 

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