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  1. #1
    The Lostralian's Avatar
    The Lostralian is offline Fighting the battle
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    Anger Management 101

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

    I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two
    digits.

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an
    asshole!" It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

    He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back
    window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

    I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

    He said, "Yes, it is."

    I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

    He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler,
    and the car's parked right out in front."

    I asked, "What's your name?"

    He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

    I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

    He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

    I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

    He said, "Yes?"

    I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had
    a problem, I had two assholes to call.

    Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, "Hello."

    I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

    He asked, "Are you still there?"

    I said, "Yeah,"

    He screamed, "St op calling me,"

    I said, "Make me,"

    He asked, "Who are you?"

    I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

    He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

    I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

    Then I called Asshole #2.

    He said, "Hello?"

    I said, "Hello, asshole,"

    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

    I said, "You'll what?"

    He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in
    time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
    six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

    NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.
    Future Detective of The S.P.D
    Pride Integrity Gratitude

  2. #2
    Xiphos's Avatar
    Xiphos is offline I Void Warranties
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    That might be as old as the Internet but it's hilarious and I enjoy it every time I read it!
    Pleasing nobody, one person at a time.

    That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.

    If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.

    I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones

    Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman

  3. #3
    Terminator's Avatar
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    Definitely a good one.

  4. #4
    Ender's Avatar
    Ender is offline Three Sheets...
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    Quote Originally Posted by xiphos View Post
    That might be as old as the Internet but it's hilarious and I enjoy it every time I read it!
    +1. I'll read it every time!!!
    --

    Ender

    "And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon..."

 

 

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