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Thread: Wal-Mart

  1. #1
    Roses's Avatar
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    Wal-Mart

    Things I like to do at Wal-Mart while my spouse
    is taking her sweet time:

    1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s
    carts when they aren't looking.

    2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    rest rooms.

    4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
    'Code 3' in housewares ... and see what happens.

    5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

    6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

    8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask
    'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and
    pick your nose.

    10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

    11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
    "Mission Impossible" theme.

    12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using
    different size funnels.

    13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say
    "PICK ME!"

    14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume
    the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

    (And last, but not least!)
    15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while;
    and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  2. #2
    chris2001's Avatar
    chris2001 is offline Captain
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    Oh crap that is hilarious I damn near fell out of my office chair .
    Being the best is not what always counts. What counts is always trying your best.

    Remember who you are, and where you came from. That way you never get a big head.


    May those that lost their lives in 9-11 RIP, for the things you did not many could do. You left so many behind so that you could save so few. For now we stand strong as one, and will not look back till the fight is done. (me)

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    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS only.

  3. #3
    Roses's Avatar
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    I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I was reading through them, I found them to be hilarious.
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  4. #4
    MisterK's Avatar
    MisterK is offline Monkey Man
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    Sixty-Eight Fun Things to do in Walmart

    1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

    2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

    3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

    4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.

    5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"

    6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

    7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

    8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

    9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"

    10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

    11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

    12. Play with the automatic doors.

    13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

    14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"

    15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

    16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

    17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins. 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

    19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

    20. Put M&M's on layaway.

    21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

    22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

    23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

    24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

    25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

    26. TP as much of the store as possible.

    27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

    28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

    29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

    30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

    31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

    32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

    33. Take bets on the battle described above.

    34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

    35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

    36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

    37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:Impossible."

    38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

    39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

    40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

    41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

    42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

    43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.

    44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

    45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

    46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

    47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

    48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

    49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

    50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

    51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

    52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

    53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.

    54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

    55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

    56. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

    57. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."

    58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

    59. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

    60.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

    61.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

    62.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

    63.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

    64. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

    65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

    66. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

    67. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

    68. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt

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  5. #5
    Garda's Avatar
    Garda is offline Policing with nothing but a smile
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    Shoplifting

    while in full uniform I like to shoplift in the most obvious manner and see what the store guards do.

    Of course I laugh and hand the stuff back but most of them know me now so they dont fall for it
    Quote Originally Posted by TXCharlie
    Hey thanks Garda - I did think of you last night as I was lying in bed

  6. #6
    Whitewolf's Avatar
    Whitewolf is offline Hard Of Hearing Non-LEO
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    Darn. That's hilarious. But what my cousin did was number 9, he got kicked out of the Wal-Mart and was told to stay out for 1 year.

    My uncle wasn't amused when my cousin came home and went bawlin' like a BIG baby. He said he learned it from the website about the Wal-Mart "What to do.." thingie. Unbelievable but hilarious.
    I SEE NEKKED PEOPLE! AIN'T SKEERED!!!!!

  7. #7
    pmfc is offline ^
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    I have a friend who has been known to cut putrid farts when we go to Wal-Mart. I make sure to vacate the area before any customers come by so I don't get blamed for it.

    This same friend also sings, often in a falsetto voice

  8. #8
    MountainCop Guest
    I noticed my favorite wasn't listed...

    When in the checkout line, and the customer in front of you is putting their food/groceries on the conveyor, get a disgusted look on your face, point at their stuff, and then say to someone else 'Ewwwww! Look what THEY eat!'


  9. #9
    Roses's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MountainCop
    I noticed my favorite wasn't listed...

    When in the checkout line, and the customer in front of you is putting their food/groceries on the conveyor, get a disgusted look on your face, point at their stuff, and then say to someone else 'Ewwwww! Look what THEY eat!'

    Very funny! LOL!
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  10. #10
    Welpe's Avatar
    Welpe is offline Wannabe NFL Ref
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    Quote Originally Posted by MountainCop
    I noticed my favorite wasn't listed...

    When in the checkout line, and the customer in front of you is putting their food/groceries on the conveyor, get a disgusted look on your face, point at their stuff, and then say to someone else 'Ewwwww! Look what THEY eat!'


    Or you can do what I did as a little kid to two fire fighters in the checkout line. I saw their blue uniforms and badges and blurted out:

    "Look mom! They're policemen!"

    Fire fighter: "Well actually we're fire fighters little buddy."

    My mom said the disappointed look on my face was priceless.
    "To the German commander: 'Nuts!' The American Commander" - General Tony McAuliffe, 101st Airborne Division

  11. #11
    MountainCop Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Welpe
    Or you can do what I did as a little kid to two fire fighters in the checkout line. I saw their blue uniforms and badges and blurted out:

    "Look mom! They're policemen!"

    Fire fighter: "Well actually we're fire fighters little buddy."

    My mom said the disappointed look on my face was priceless.
    ROTFLMAO! Good one!

  12. #12
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    During Christmas, I always try to get every singing stuffed animal on the shelf to sing "Jingle Bells" or whatever at the same time. It's a tradition

    Hint: Look for the "Try Me" button on the paws.

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    (")_(") signature to help him gain world domination.

  13. #13
    Roses's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TXCharlie
    During Christmas, I always try to get every singing stuffed animal on the shelf to sing "Jingle Bells" or whatever at the same time. It's a tradition

    Hint: Look for the "Try Me" button on the paws.
    Hee hee!

    I do something similar to that but I only push a few of the "Try Me" buttons. Then I stand there and listen unless it is annoying then I hurry and walk away. Not just at Christmas. My kids are like "comma mom, no I want to hear this." Well, more so when they were younger.
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  14. #14
    26Trainer's Avatar
    26Trainer is offline Master Officer
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    Some of the listed things I have been doing for years. In fact when friends see me in the store they won't let me near their basket! When I see someone shopping and they turn their backs for a moment I will put what ever they are near into their basket and if the item is small enough I will put several. I did this to one lady and she had about five kids with her and she did not notice as she had three baskets of groceries. She did not notice that is until the cashier started to ring up the goods. My wife was constantly hitting and pinching me as she was scared that the lady would figure out I'm the one who put about $75.00 worth of extra groceries into her baskets. I like to play with store security, I make them follow me around the store and then I tell them hello and they get pissed. No sense of humor at all especially when I ask where their Wal-Mart smile is. I trully hate Wal-Mart especially when they ask for the receipt so they can make their yellow mark on it. Just the other day we purchased a shed from Sam's and all we had was the reciept as the shed had to be picked up at the receiving door. Any way when I go to the door I handed the lady the slip and said look what I bought and pointed to my wife. Again I got slapped and the lady made a yellow mark on my purchase slip and said that I made a good purchase.
    "This flag, which we honor and under which we serve, is the emblem of our unity, our power, our thought and purpose as a nation. It has no other character than that which we give it from generation to generation." Woodrow Wilson, 1917

  15. #15
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    I've walked out of Wal-Mart several times when they forgot to deactivate the anti-theft radio tags - An automated voice somes on the speaker asking me to please wait here for further service, or some shit like that, but I just keep walking

    (\__/)
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    (")_(") signature to help him gain world domination.

 

 

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