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  1. #1
    2 Blue 4 U's Avatar
    2 Blue 4 U is offline Retired NYPD
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    Male VS Female at the ATM

    AT THE ATM

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

    After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been
    developed.

    Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.

    ****************************** *
    MALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    2. Put down your car window.
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6. Put window up.
    7. Drive off.

    ****************************** *

    FEMALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
    machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
    distance from the car.
    8. Insert card.
    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside
    back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN..
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
    checkbook.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
    provided!
    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.



  2. #2
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Sounds about right to me!!!
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  3. #3
    CTR man's Avatar
    CTR man is offline Officer First Class
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    Same here. CTR gets benny hill slap from wife when she discovers what he is laughing about.


    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

    Not a LEO

    In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
    In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.









  4. #4
    pgg's Avatar
    pgg
    pgg is online now Damnit, I'm hungry again.
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    That sounds normal. Last year the little woman had to drive my old truck while I was out of town since her truck broke down again (Stupid Dodge). She drove around all week with the parking brake on. Then told me "it felt a little sluggish but I stepped on the petal and it still went so I figured it was okay".

  5. #5
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    yeah.. ok so?


    I don't see why this is jokes/humor?








    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  6. #6
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    Did you know that if you dont retrieve your card and/or your money from the ATM in a certain number of seconds that the machine sucks them back up?

    Neither did I.....until.....


    Side note: You can get your money back...but you have to wait until they do their inventory....count the money in the machine against the transactions

  7. #7
    mack's Avatar
    mack is offline Officer Resource Offical Auctioneer
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    Quote Originally Posted by gozling View Post
    yeah.. ok so?


    I don't see why this is jokes/humor?









    Me either, I don't see the joke?????

    My dad, I miss him every day.

    Originally Posted by Wolven
    Life is too short to wear unsexy underwear.


    I am a female!!!!! LMAO

    Be who you are and say what you feel.....
    Because those that matter...don't mind...
    And those that mind...don't matter

  8. #8
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    Quote Originally Posted by dapples View Post
    Did you know that if you dont retrieve your card and/or your money from the ATM in a certain number of seconds that the machine sucks them back up?

    Neither did I.....until.....


    Side note: You can get your money back...but you have to wait until they do their inventory....count the money in the machine against the transactions

    hmmm... daps??
    thats the sort of stuff we keep in the secret girls room

    though i guess since the panty secrets are out...and now this...
    we don't have much left!
    lol
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  9. #9
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgg View Post
    That sounds normal. Last year the little woman had to drive my old truck while I was out of town since her truck broke down again (Stupid Dodge). She drove around all week with the parking brake on. Then told me "it felt a little sluggish but I stepped on the petal and it still went so I figured it was okay".
    A few years back, I had a Toyota 4X4 with a simple 4 speed. My wife decided to use it one day and drove about 75 miles on the high-way. The next day, I was driving and when I went onto the high-way, I shifted into 4th. My wife looked at me and said, "Oh, that's when you use that one! I didn't know so I just left it in third!" Yup, the tranny went out within a week!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

 

 

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