Poor Men

[Wolven]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
______________________________ _____________
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.
______________________________ ______________________
WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
______________________________ ___________________
CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
______________________________ __________________
The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment..

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .'

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

______________________________ ____________________

[gozling]

HAHAHAHAAHA loved the inlaws one the most!!

[Xiphos]

Thoase were pretty funny! Here are some I enjoy:

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.


The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?

A whine and cheese party

A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper.

Tongue Twister

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.

He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"

So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one."

The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too." "I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.''

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.

What if God's a woman?
Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.

Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them.

[Ducky]

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?

A whine and cheese party

I think it should be 'bitch and itch'

[keith720]

OK, it's ON!

Why do women get PMS?
They deserve it.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitbull?
Pitbulls don't wear lipstick.

Why did the feminist cross the road?
Who cares? What's she doing out of the kitchen anyways?

How can you tell when a woman is going to say something smart?
She starts the sentence, "My husband told me...."

[gozling]

..

OK, it's ON!
I didn't realize it was off? good for you and that new viagra

Why do women get PMS?
so men have a reason for us to be all dominating and mean and like it without feeling guilty by just pissing us off in general


What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitbull?
Pitbulls don't wear lipstick. hm that is odd, the other day your wife was telling us how much you love to dress up your pitbull.

Why did the feminist cross the road?
Killing the chicken you wanted for dinner since your lazy ass is on the couch

How can you tell when a woman is going to say something smart?
She starts the sentence,
"My husband told me...." "My husband told me to tell you he is a dumbass who puts lipstick on his pitbull, has something ON, wont go out and kill the chicken for dinner, and likes his dominating wife"

[snuffy2202]

Rule #1. Don't mess with the Goz!

[Big Al]

Rule #1. Don't mess with the Goz!

Oh yea, I agree. She has PMS....

[Wolven]

LOL Goz! The feminist one was a classic!

[BigDawg]

Whats the difference with your wife at the front door bitching and your dog at the back door barking??

When you let the dog inside it shuts up!!!

[keith720]

How many men does it take to get a bottle of beer?

None. She better have one with her for you on her way out of the kitchen to get the vacuum cleaner.

[JLK]

Oh yea, I agree. She has PMS....

Permanently
Mentally
Screwed up%-]

[MissMyCaprice]

Why do men die earlier than women?
They WANT to.

[armsmaster270]

This is foreplay, right?

[Xiphos]

If a man runs over his wife with his car, whose fault is it?

The man. He shouldn't have been driving in the kitchen.