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  1. #1
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    San Diego
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    And That's When the Fight Started!

    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place
    expensive, so I took her to a gas station.*


    *
    And that's when the fight started.
    *
    **********
    *
    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
    Security benefits.* The*woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
    license to verify my age.* I looked in my pockets and realized I had left
    my wallet at home.* I told the woman I was very sorry, but I would have to
    go home and come back later.
    *
    The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."* So I opened my shirt, revealing my
    curly silver hair.
    *
    She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she
    processed my Social Security application.
    *
    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
    Security office.
    *
    She said, "You should have dropped your pants.* You might have gotten
    disability, too."
    *
    And that's when the fight started.
    *
    **********
    *
    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
    staring at a drunken lady swigging her drinks as she sat alone at a nearby
    table.
    *
    My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
    *
    "Yes," I sighed.* "She's my old girlfriend.* I understand she took to
    drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
    hasn't been sober since."
    *
    "My, God!" said my wife.* "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
    that long?"
    *
    And that's when the fight started.
    *
    **********
    *
    I rear-ended a car this morning, so there we were alongside the road.
    *
    Slowly*the other driver got out of his car.
    *
    You know how sometimes you just get sooo stressed that little things just
    seem funny?
    *
    Well, I couldn't believe it: he was a dwarf!
    *
    He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
    *
    So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
    *
    And that's when.....well, you know.
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  2. #2
    CTR man's Avatar
    CTR man is offline Officer First Class
    Supporting Member Lvl 3
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    Good ones there PDawg.


    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

    Not a LEO

    In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
    In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.









  3. #3
    jcsdscott's Avatar
    jcsdscott is offline The short minister
    Verified LEO
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    Southern Illinois
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    Romans 8:28-31

    "Anima Sana In Corpore Sano"

    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Sheriff, County Board, or any member of my department.

  4. #4
    mike01's Avatar
    mike01 is offline patrol deputy
    Verified LEO
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    ha,ha,ha!!!
    Please do not mistake my kindness for weakness.

  5. #5
    2 Blue 4 U's Avatar
    2 Blue 4 U is offline Retired NYPD
    Verified LEO
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    06-07-08
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    Bronx,NY
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  6. #6
    Captain America's Avatar
    Captain America is offline Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
    Supporting Member Lvl 1
    Verified LEO
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    Louisiana
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    LMAO
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
    -Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"

    Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
    -General Omar Bradley, United States Army

    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

  7. #7
    armsmaster270's Avatar
    armsmaster270 is offline Ret. Sac. P.D. - 270th M.P. Co., Now with D.H.S.
    Verified LEO
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    Get me off the floor my ribs hurt.


    Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. --Al Bundy

    http://www.armsmaster.net-a.googlepages.com

  8. #8
    JAYBIRD33081's Avatar
    JAYBIRD33081 is offline CAT: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT
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    LOL LOL "well, then which one are you" LOL

  9. #9
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
    Verified LEO
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    Louisiana
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    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to PDawg again
    ROFL
    ]

  10. #10
    jcsdscott's Avatar
    jcsdscott is offline The short minister
    Verified LEO
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    Southern Illinois
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    Got her for ya Mav!
    Romans 8:28-31

    "Anima Sana In Corpore Sano"

    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Sheriff, County Board, or any member of my department.

 

 

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