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07-27-08, 02:43 AM #1
Bendy not Breaky
- Join Date
- 04-26-06
- Location
- San Diego
- Posts
- 6,177
- Rep Power
- 1401290
And That's When the Fight Started!
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place
expensive, so I took her to a gas station.*
*
And that's when the fight started.
*
**********
*
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security benefits.* The*woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age.* I looked in my pockets and realized I had left
my wallet at home.* I told the woman I was very sorry, but I would have to
go home and come back later.
*
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."* So I opened my shirt, revealing my
curly silver hair.
*
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she
processed my Social Security application.
*
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
*
She said, "You should have dropped your pants.* You might have gotten
disability, too."
*
And that's when the fight started.
*
**********
*
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drinks as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
*
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
*
"Yes," I sighed.* "She's my old girlfriend.* I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since."
*
"My, God!" said my wife.* "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?"
*
And that's when the fight started.
*
**********
*
I rear-ended a car this morning, so there we were alongside the road.
*
Slowly*the other driver got out of his car.
*
You know how sometimes you just get sooo stressed that little things just
seem funny?
*
Well, I couldn't believe it: he was a dwarf!
*
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
*
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
*
And that's when.....well, you know.Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.
Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
or otherwise distort statements of fact.FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley
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07-27-08, 02:51 AM #2
Officer First Class
Supporting Member Lvl 3- Join Date
- 05-20-06
- Location
- Ceres, CA
- Posts
- 4,965
- Rep Power
- 1168975
Good ones there PDawg.
Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.
Not a LEO
In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.
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07-27-08, 05:30 AM #3
The short minister
Verified LEO- Join Date
- 11-12-06
- Location
- Southern Illinois
- Posts
- 1,889
- Rep Power
- 885530
Romans 8:28-31
"Anima Sana In Corpore Sano"
The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Sheriff, County Board, or any member of my department.
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07-27-08, 05:37 AM #4
patrol deputy
Verified LEO- Join Date
- 08-19-07
- Location
- arkansas
- Posts
- 158
- Rep Power
- 7678
ha,ha,ha!!!
Please do not mistake my kindness for weakness.
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07-27-08, 10:16 AM #5
Retired NYPD
Verified LEO- Join Date
- 06-07-08
- Location
- Bronx,NY
- Posts
- 2,280
- Rep Power
- 483367
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07-27-08, 11:17 AM #6
Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
Supporting Member Lvl 1
Verified LEO
Site Moderator- Join Date
- 05-01-08
- Location
- Louisiana
- Posts
- 8,111
- Rep Power
- 6155979
LMAO
SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM-Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"
"It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
-General Omar Bradley, United States Army
Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens
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07-27-08, 12:36 PM #7
Ret. Sac. P.D. - 270th M.P. Co., Now with D.H.S.
Verified LEO- Join Date
- 08-11-07
- Location
- Sacramento, CA
- Posts
- 2,438
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- 349122
Get me off the floor my ribs hurt.
Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. --Al Bundy
http://www.armsmaster.net-a.googlepages.com
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07-28-08, 02:28 AM #8
CAT: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT
Supporting Member Lvl 3- Join Date
- 01-10-08
- Location
- st paul mn
- Posts
- 403
- Rep Power
- 27337
LOL LOL "well, then which one are you" LOL
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07-28-08, 05:46 AM #9
Patrol Sgt.
Verified LEO- Join Date
- 05-21-06
- Location
- Louisiana
- Posts
- 2,825
- Rep Power
- 5466189
ROFLYou must spread some Reputation around before giving it to PDawg again
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07-28-08, 11:09 PM #10
The short minister
Verified LEO
- Join Date
- 11-12-06
- Location
- Southern Illinois
- Posts
- 1,889
- Rep Power
- 885530
Got her for ya Mav!
Romans 8:28-31
"Anima Sana In Corpore Sano"
The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Sheriff, County Board, or any member of my department.
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