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Thread: Hmmmmm

  1. #1
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
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    Hmmmmm

    WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

    Keep reading-they get better!!!


    WOMEN'S REVENGE
    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'



    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
    I know I'm not going to understand women.
    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.


    CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
    She directs him down the correct aisle.
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
    He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
    to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
    and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
    (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


    WIFE VS. HUSBAND
    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position.
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
    the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
    'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


    WORDS
    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
    30,000 to a man's 15,000.
    The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


    CREATION
    A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


    WHO DOES WHAT
    A man and his wife were having an argument about who
    should brew the coffee each morning.
    The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
    and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
    The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
    you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
    Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
    Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'


    The Silent Treatment
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home
    and were giving each other the silent treatment.
    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
    at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
    'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
    when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
    The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


    God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


    FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
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    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  2. #2
    pgg's Avatar
    pgg
    pgg is offline Damnit, I'm hungry again.
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  3. #3
    Wolven's Avatar
    Wolven is offline Major
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    RSA you are like a day late and a dollar short..I posted this about a month ago.
    Never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolven View Post
    RSA you are like a day late and a dollar short..I posted this about a month ago.




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    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolven View Post
    RSA you are like a day late and a dollar short..I posted this about a month ago.
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


    FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
    https://twitter.com/RESIDENTSMARTAS



    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  6. #6
    cajunguy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolven View Post
    RSA you are like a day late and a dollar short..I posted this about a month ago.
    . . . and it's ALL still oh so true!!


    .
    The Swamp Mafia -
    "Heaven doesn't want us,
    and Hell's afraid we'll take over!!"
    .

  7. #7
    mack's Avatar
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    Wolven, that's the reason this joke is so true:

    WORDS
    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
    30,000 to a man's 15,000.
    The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

    My dad, I miss him every day.

    Originally Posted by Wolven
    Life is too short to wear unsexy underwear.


    I am a female!!!!! LMAO

    Be who you are and say what you feel.....
    Because those that matter...don't mind...
    And those that mind...don't matter

 

 

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