I won't be in today. My fish is sick and I need to take it to the vet.

I won't be in today because I have come down with Spring Fever.

I don't think I'll be in work for awhile. Yesterday I was riding my son's BMX bike and I fell and broke my ankle it two places and I'm in the hospital.

I won't be in today. I'm still drunk from last night.

I'm not coming in because I need a mental day.

Last night we had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed!

My car caught on fire on the way to work so I can't make it in.

My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors.

I was stepping down out of my trailer and I missed the step and when I landed on the ground I messed up my back.

I can't come to work today because the city is paving my street and I can't get out!

My wife is too sick to get out of bed, so I'm staying home to take care of her.

Excuse me sir, but I won't be in today. My home is flooded and I'm currently standing on my dresser in my second story bedroom. Thanks and have a nice day.

Can't make it in. I have a chance of filling in for someone on jury duty.

Hello, This is, _ I've used all of my sick days and I'm calling in dead.

I can't come into work today because of eye trouble... I can't see working today.

If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who
fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

I am calling in because I do not feel up to par today.

I am not coming in because I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came out green!

I'm not going to work today, I spent my paycheck on lottery tickets, and I'm out of Gas 'till payday.

Yesterday I caught a bad cold while vacationing in Miami, Florida. Sorry!

A man I worked with once called in with... "My wife's breasts are sore after her breast enlargement so I need to stay home and massage her tits."

My husband had a vasectomy yesterday and his balls are enlarged, so I need to stay home and help him ice them.

I am sorry but I will be unable to come in to work today. My agoraphobia is kicking in and I am afraid to drive today.

Can't come in today, the springs on the garage door broke and I can't get the car out cause the door won't open.

Sorry Boss I can't come into work today...my spirit guide says work is for losers!

Well, you see, my boyfriend's friend's cousin, her mother is a total flake and her three kids are getting taken away by CPS and she is going to jail, and my boyfriend is working, his cousin is out of town and so you can see that I have to stay home and watch them.

There has been an urgent family emergency, which I can't talk about lest I endanger any innocent bystanders.

My dog is having puppies and I need to help her.

Someone smashed in my windows this morning with a large blunt object.

I sprained my wrist cooking dinner in the microwave last nite.

I slipped in the shower and torque my knee. I can't walk on it at all.

This one was actually used by one of my employees. "Sorry I did not show up yesterday, I locked myself in the bathroom."

I won't be able to come to work next week . Were trying for a baby and the doc says next week is the best chance.

I will not be into work today because my parents dog died.

Someone dumped a truck-load of sand in front of my driveway and I won't be in today.

A friend I hadn't seen for years came round just as I was setting off for work,
I couldn't leave could I?

I won't be in today because I can't find my clothes.

I'm calling in sick - of working for your company..!

I am sick with the Lack. Lack of ambition.

Last night a friend I haven't seen in a long time came over and gave me a bear hug and broke one of my ribs, so I won't be in today.

I won't be in today. I was up all week-end with this new girl I met and I didn't get any sleep...if you know what I mean!

I lost my car keys skiing and I can't leave until I find them!

I can not come to work today because I do not have any shoes.!!!

My sister stole my money and I am out looking for her.

I can't come in to work today, my sister tripped over the dog, fell off the porch and broke her wrist. I have to take her to the hospital.

I won't be into work today because my plane that was going to leave on Sunday didn't leave until today.

On my way to work today, my tooth cracked. I'll be going to the dentist.

I can't make it to work today, because the fan belt broke on the van, the brakes went out, and it has a flat tire.

I can't come into work today, because the hot water tap broke on the bathtub.

The pharmacy is making up some cream for me today - so I won't be in to work.

I left the windows open in my room all night and when I woke up I had a stiff neck. I can't coming in today.

Work....I didn't want to be late for work again today so I called in sick instead!

Please excuse Henry for being late. He was stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper.

I'll be in a little late today. During the night the power must have gone off because when I woke up my alarm clock time was flashing. And of course I over slept.

I cant come to work today because my cat is lonely and stressed out and if I don't spend quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture!

I won't be in to work today. My wife said she is going to conceive today, and
I want to be there when it happens.

I'm going to need to take a couple of day off Thursday and Friday, because the city said I have to clean up my back yard before Monday or I'm going to get a big fine!

Sorry, won't be in for 3 days. Went to see my sister off on her cruise to Bahamas...darn ship left with me still on it.. Captain refuses to turn back.

I'll be in late this morning. I have a possum in my backyard and it's freaking out my dog. I have to get it out before I can leave.

I cannot come into work today because I came down with a bad case of something or other.

I'm feeling kinda disgruntled today... You want I should come in?

My car's battery is dead and there isn't anyone in a 50 mile radius who has jumper cables.

My dog chewed up my shoes and I couldn't very well come to work barefooted, could I!?

When I left the house and locked the door this morning, the key broke off in the lock. The locksmith is out of town until Tuesday, so I can't leave the house until then.

My psychic warned me not to leave the house today.

I was just informed that my car has been recalled by the manufacturer and it is unsafe to drive.

The road in front of my house was closed for repair.

The dog had puppies in the drivers seat of my car.

I was dreaming and couldn't wake up.

I really wanted to come to work this morning, but physical circumstances wouldn't allow it.

I was up until 3:00 am working on a procedure that would simultaneously increase production & efficiency, and also reduce expenses. I'd rather not discuss it until I have all the kinks worked out.

I have an appointment with my lawyer to discuss the laws of the Fair Labor Standards Act in respect to my case.

I had a strong premonition that I shouldn't go out of the house today.

When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

I couldn't find a spot to park

Oh, you mean it's Next' Monday I have off!!

It's not in the company's best interest.

It's not in the family's best interest.

I don't have the right tools.

I don't have enough money.

I don't have material.

I don't have equipment.

I don't have paper.

I cant come to work tomorrow its messing up my social life

Sorry I wasn't in yesterday my legs were on strike

I just called to say I couldn't make it to work today. My computer has a virus and I have been up all night cleaning up after and tending to it.

My arm is too tired to shift, so I can't drive to work today

I'll be late for work today becuase I was on my way to the car, and see it was hot out so I decided I needed to take a break.

I dont have my work clothes so I wouldnt be coming in today

I'm not sure when I'll be in to work...I am in the shower and the shampoo bottle says to, "Lather, Rinse, Repeat." I might be here for a loooong time.

I can't(grunt) come in to (grunt) work today, I HAVE (grunt) EXPLOSIVE DIARREA!!!!!!

Sorry boss I cant go to work today because my car keys grew legs of their own and ran off!

I'm not coming to work today... "why not?" ... because ... I'm not

I'm just about to reach enlightenment, so I cant possibly come to work because it will disturb my practices.

I'd love to come to work today, but I got on the wrong train and I'm now in Edinburgh.

Dave can't come to work today because, I, his other personality has taken over and I dont work.

I cant come to work because I lost the house keys, I'm locked in.

Im Sorry I Wont Be In Work Today My House Set On Fire And Everything Got Burnt