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  1. #1
    Just KC's Avatar
    Just KC is offline Who?......Me?
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    About Women and Men

    WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



    WOMEN'S REVENGE
    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
    purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a
    television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I
    asked.
    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I
    figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'


    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
    I know I'm not going to understand women.
    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.


    MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and
    his wife Grace listened to the instructor, 'It is essential that
    husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' He addressed
    the man,
    'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's
    Pillsbury, isn't it?


    CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers
    that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him
    down the correct aisle.
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
    of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were
    looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, 'You see, it's like
    this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
    to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
    tobacco
    and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
    (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


    WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position.
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
    the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
    'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


    WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
    day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be
    because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to
    his wife and asked, 'What?'


    CREATION A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 'The wife responded,
    'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to
    me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


    WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
    coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up
    first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The
    husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should
    do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
    Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
    that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe
    that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
    and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says
    ........... 'HEBREWS'


    THE SILENT TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
    each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
    next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
    morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
    a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew
    she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
    he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his
    wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
    The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM.. Wake up.'
    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

    God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
    draft before the masterpiece.
    **********************
    ~Karie

    "I used to care
    but now I take a pill for that"

  2. #2
    Terminator's Avatar
    Terminator is offline BANNED
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    Women are just so perfect and wonderful...

  3. #3
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is online now Finely Aged
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    OK, it's on!!!!!

    How do you know when a woman is going to say something smart?

    When she starts by saying, "My husband told me...."
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  4. #4
    mack's Avatar
    mack is offline Officer Resource Offical Auctioneer
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith720 View Post
    OK, it's on!!!!!

    How do you know when a woman is going to say something smart?

    When she starts by saying, "My husband told me...."


    No, Keith don't start! I've heard you go off on this before. lol

    My dad, I miss him every day.

    Originally Posted by Wolven
    Life is too short to wear unsexy underwear.


    I am a female!!!!! LMAO

    Be who you are and say what you feel.....
    Because those that matter...don't mind...
    And those that mind...don't matter

  5. #5
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is online now Finely Aged
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    Quote Originally Posted by mack View Post
    No, Keith don't start! I've heard you go off on this before. lol

    Just remember, I didn't start it!!!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  6. #6
    mack's Avatar
    mack is offline Officer Resource Offical Auctioneer
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith720 View Post
    Just remember, I didn't start it!!!


    But that doesn't mean you gotta end it either!

    My dad, I miss him every day.

    Originally Posted by Wolven
    Life is too short to wear unsexy underwear.


    I am a female!!!!! LMAO

    Be who you are and say what you feel.....
    Because those that matter...don't mind...
    And those that mind...don't matter

  7. #7
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Do you know what they call a smart blond female???



    A golden retriever!!!
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawgs messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawgs posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawgs posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawgs posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  8. #8
    irishmick's Avatar
    irishmick is offline Do not mistake my kindness for weakness.
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    Why do brides wear white?







    So that the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.
    --"D.B.A.D." --Me

    --Life's tough...it's tougher if you're stupid.

    --"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." -Elbert Hubbard

  9. #9
    Just KC's Avatar
    Just KC is offline Who?......Me?
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    Hey..these weren't all man bashing....it was both!!
    **********************
    ~Karie

    "I used to care
    but now I take a pill for that"

  10. #10
    Kittylynn's Avatar
    Kittylynn is offline NOT A SLUT!!!! DAMMIT!!!
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    It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you aren't!

    Adopt a virtual pet today! Check out neopets! It's fun and free. All ages play!

  11. #11
    MacLean's Avatar
    MacLean is offline O/R Gun mod
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    Quote Originally Posted by irishmick View Post
    Why do brides wear white?







    So that the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.
    Reps!
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  12. #12
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is online now Finely Aged
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    Why did the feminist cross the road?














    Who cares. What's she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

 

 

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