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  1. #1
    slamdunc's Avatar
    slamdunc is offline On The Beat
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    Marriage: For Better or Worse

    Marriage - Part I
    Typical macho man married typical lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
    "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
    His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .whether you're here or not."

    Marriage (Part II)
    Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
    The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
    "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last!"

    Marriage (Part III)
    Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
    After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
    She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
    She says, "I was in bed."
    "In bed this early, doing what?"
    "Getting a second opinion!"

    Marriage (Part IV)
    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
    One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
    His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

    Marriage (Part V)
    The Silent Treatment
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
    on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
    he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
    hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
    'The Art of War' teaches us to "Rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's coming, but on our own readiness to receive him"--Sun Tsu

  2. #2
    Indy Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by slamdunc
    "Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .whether you're here or not."
    That was great!

  3. #3
    Roses's Avatar
    Roses is offline Member
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    Lol!!!
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  4. #4
    Wise_undergrad_08's Avatar
    Wise_undergrad_08 is offline Master Officer
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    I liked the last one best. That note from the wife was awesome. See, gentlemen of this great board, women always win. Accept, embrace it, and move on.
    "A nation, as a society, forms a moral person, and every member of it is personally responsible for his society."

    -Thomas Jefferson, 1792


    Cotton candy don't get wet until it's in your mouth.

  5. #5
    hdwideglide95's Avatar
    hdwideglide95 is offline Stone Cold
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    Marriage (Part III)
    Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
    After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
    She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
    She says, "I was in bed."
    "In bed this early, doing what?"
    "Getting a second opinion!"

    Exactly why I am happily DIVORCED
    lmao

  6. #6
    Virginian's Avatar
    Virginian is offline Major
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise_undergrad_08
    See, gentlemen of this great board, women always win. Accept, embrace it, and move on.

    I have accepted it, but I'll have to call my wife to see if I have permission to cry about it

 

 

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