Yet Another Personality Test

[Prometheus]

AS A PUBLIC SERVICE, we are presenting in this space the Abbreviated
Delaware Standard Psychological Test. The pressures, frustrations, and
emotional instabilities which drive men to commite wanton acts of
violence, even mass murder, are shrouded in the impenetrable mysteries
of the chemistry of the brain, but extensive research has made it
possible in many cases to identify individuals with a potential
psychopathic personality before their latent psychoses erupt into
episodes of uncrontrollable blood-lust. The ADSPT is by no means
perfect, but it can at least give a "storm-warning." We urge all
readers to take it, and then, if the easy-to-tabulate results indicate
to presence of possible mental disequilibrium, to seek qualified
professional help.

DIRECTIONS: Complete the following sentences with the word or phrase
that best suits your personality. Even if none of the alternatives seem
entirely satisfactory, you must choose one!

1. I would most like to be:
a) a male nurse
b) an interior decorator
c) a dressmaker
d) a butcher

2. If someone asked me what I thought of a lamp they had bought, I would
say it was:
a) darling
b) just the cutest thing
c) too, too sweet
d) good for hitting people over the head with

3. Of the following sports, my favorite is:
a) maypole dancing
b) field hopping
c) hoop spinning
d) rugby

4. Of the following foods, the one I prefer is:
a) ladyfingers
b) truffles
c) tiny little tea cakes
d) good red meat

5. Of the following words, I would be most likely to use:
a) faience
b) chiaroscuro
c) andante
d) thud

6. If I had to choose among these books, I would read:
a) Ten Steps to a More Satisfying Homosexual Life
b) A Layman's Guide to Unnatural Love
c) Faggot! Confessions of a Homosexual
d) Pork Chop Hill

7. When I see a gun, I think:
a) how much fun it would be to sit on it
b) how much fun it would be to kill someone with it

DIRECTIONS: Choose the statement which most expresses your feelings. Even if neither statement is entirely satisfactory, you must choose one!

8. a) I like to suck things.
b) I like to kill things.

9. a) When I go to parties, I like to be ignored and made fun of.
b) I would like to maim a woodland animal.

10. a) Sentimentality makes me puke.
b) I like the sight of blood.

11. a) I would like to stay home and fiddle with sachets.
b) I would like to go out on the town with the boys and get into
a brawl.

12. a) Sometimes I feel like the top of my head is going to fly off.
b) Sentimentality makes me puke

13. a) I like the sight of blood.
b) The sight of pus isn't half bad either.


To determine whether you have antisocial tendencies and suffer from the
"Involuntary Violence Syndrome" give yourself 5 points for each one of the
symbolic hostility answers listed below.

Questions 1-6: d) answers indicate hostility
Questions 7-13: b) answers indicate hostility
Questions 10,12,13: a) answers indicate hostility

50-65 points: You are a psychopath. Have a friend or loved one strap you to a bed or chair IMMEDIATELY! Don't hurt them, they're only trying to help. Put down that knife.

15-30 points: You are gay. The only psychopaths you have to worry about are NAMBLA and the person who is about to knock on your door. Shhh... listen. He'll be here any moment now.

35-45 points: You are a gay psychopath. Yes, the only things the ADSPT can test for are homosexuality and psychopathy. It has been pointed out to us that this may be a problem. We're working on it, okay?

0-10 points: Nobody likes a liar. Especially psychopaths. Your life expectancy is less than one of Richard Gere's gerbils.

[Garda]

65? Should I lock myself in a room?

And how come questions 10,11,12 and 13 carry psycho points no matter what answer you pick. No fair!

[katiemh]

35-45 points: You are a gay psychopath. Yes, the only things the ADSPT can test for are homosexuality and psychopathy. It has been pointed out to us that this may be a problem. We're working on it, okay?

Tell me something I didn't already know.

[Prometheus]

Tell me something I didn't already know.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.