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  1. #1
    Prometheus's Avatar
    Prometheus is offline Senior Member
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    Yet Another Personality Test

    AS A PUBLIC SERVICE, we are presenting in this space the Abbreviated
    Delaware Standard Psychological Test. The pressures, frustrations, and
    emotional instabilities which drive men to commite wanton acts of
    violence, even mass murder, are shrouded in the impenetrable mysteries
    of the chemistry of the brain, but extensive research has made it
    possible in many cases to identify individuals with a potential
    psychopathic personality before their latent psychoses erupt into
    episodes of uncrontrollable blood-lust. The ADSPT is by no means
    perfect, but it can at least give a "storm-warning." We urge all
    readers to take it, and then, if the easy-to-tabulate results indicate
    to presence of possible mental disequilibrium, to seek qualified
    professional help.

    DIRECTIONS: Complete the following sentences with the word or phrase
    that best suits your personality. Even if none of the alternatives seem
    entirely satisfactory, you must choose one!

    1. I would most like to be:
    a) a male nurse
    b) an interior decorator
    c) a dressmaker
    d) a butcher

    2. If someone asked me what I thought of a lamp they had bought, I would
    say it was:
    a) darling
    b) just the cutest thing
    c) too, too sweet
    d) good for hitting people over the head with

    3. Of the following sports, my favorite is:
    a) maypole dancing
    b) field hopping
    c) hoop spinning
    d) rugby

    4. Of the following foods, the one I prefer is:
    a) ladyfingers
    b) truffles
    c) tiny little tea cakes
    d) good red meat

    5. Of the following words, I would be most likely to use:
    a) faience
    b) chiaroscuro
    c) andante
    d) thud

    6. If I had to choose among these books, I would read:
    a) Ten Steps to a More Satisfying Homosexual Life
    b) A Layman's Guide to Unnatural Love
    c) Faggot! Confessions of a Homosexual
    d) Pork Chop Hill

    7. When I see a gun, I think:
    a) how much fun it would be to sit on it
    b) how much fun it would be to kill someone with it

    DIRECTIONS: Choose the statement which most expresses your feelings. Even if neither statement is entirely satisfactory, you must choose one!

    8. a) I like to suck things.
    b) I like to kill things.

    9. a) When I go to parties, I like to be ignored and made fun of.
    b) I would like to maim a woodland animal.

    10. a) Sentimentality makes me puke.
    b) I like the sight of blood.

    11. a) I would like to stay home and fiddle with sachets.
    b) I would like to go out on the town with the boys and get into
    a brawl.

    12. a) Sometimes I feel like the top of my head is going to fly off.
    b) Sentimentality makes me puke

    13. a) I like the sight of blood.
    b) The sight of pus isn't half bad either.


    To determine whether you have antisocial tendencies and suffer from the
    "Involuntary Violence Syndrome" give yourself 5 points for each one of the
    symbolic hostility answers listed below.

    Questions 1-6: d) answers indicate hostility
    Questions 7-13: b) answers indicate hostility
    Questions 10,12,13: a) answers indicate hostility

    50-65 points: You are a psychopath. Have a friend or loved one strap you to a bed or chair IMMEDIATELY! Don't hurt them, they're only trying to help. Put down that knife.

    15-30 points: You are gay. The only psychopaths you have to worry about are NAMBLA and the person who is about to knock on your door. Shhh... listen. He'll be here any moment now.

    35-45 points: You are a gay psychopath. Yes, the only things the ADSPT can test for are homosexuality and psychopathy. It has been pointed out to us that this may be a problem. We're working on it, okay?

    0-10 points: Nobody likes a liar. Especially psychopaths. Your life expectancy is less than one of Richard Gere's gerbils.
    "Look, just give me some inner peace or I'll mop the floor with you!"

  2. #2
    Garda's Avatar
    Garda is offline Policing with nothing but a smile
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    65? Should I lock myself in a room?

    And how come questions 10,11,12 and 13 carry psycho points no matter what answer you pick. No fair!
    Quote Originally Posted by TXCharlie
    Hey thanks Garda - I did think of you last night as I was lying in bed

  3. #3
    katiemh Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Prometheus
    35-45 points: You are a gay psychopath. Yes, the only things the ADSPT can test for are homosexuality and psychopathy. It has been pointed out to us that this may be a problem. We're working on it, okay?
    Tell me something I didn't already know.

  4. #4
    Prometheus's Avatar
    Prometheus is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by katiemh
    Tell me something I didn't already know.
    Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
    "Look, just give me some inner peace or I'll mop the floor with you!"

 

 

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