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Thread: Too Funny

  1. #1
    bird1's Avatar
    bird1 is offline Corporal
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    Too Funny

    Yesterday I was buying 2 bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart, for my
    dogs Maggie and Maya and I was about to check out when a woman behind
    me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had, a monkey?

    Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I
    didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again,
    although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last
    time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened
    in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my
    body and IVs in both
    arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
    that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
    eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
    nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to
    mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with
    my story by now.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
    food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of
    the parking lot to lick my butt
    and a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
    laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!!

    One OF MY PALS SENT ME THIS ONE
    " The hardest thing about disarming an armed suspect is not slipping on your own shit "

    Michael P. Gordon E.O.W 08 Aug 2004




    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such.

  2. #2
    Twan007's Avatar
    Twan007 is offline The People
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    oh that was funny
    -=Twan007


    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.





    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in alignment with his employer. Matter of fact, the poster will deny any knowledge of any post... this message will self-destruct in 5 seconds...

  3. #3
    adroitcuffs's Avatar
    adroitcuffs is offline Visualize whirled peas!!
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    LMAO!!!
    The true measure of your character is what you choose to do when you think no one is looking.

    #5


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  4. #4
    mtaylor's Avatar
    mtaylor is offline "I dont feel the need to explain myself!"
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  5. #5
    kcnuke's Avatar
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    Oh, I wish I had a dog so I can buy dog food just to try that... That is a good one

  6. #6
    Captain America's Avatar
    Captain America is offline Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
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    Quote Originally Posted by kcnuke View Post
    Oh, I wish I had a dog so I can buy dog food just to try that...
    If you want to lick your butt, go ahead without the dog and dogfood. Life is too short to have regrets.
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
    -Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"

    Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
    -General Omar Bradley, United States Army

    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

  7. #7
    Buttercup's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain America View Post
    If you want to lick your butt, go ahead without the dog and dogfood. Life is too short to have regrets.
    Hahaha!




 

 

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