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Thread: Too Funny
12-19-08, 11:13 AM #1
Yesterday I was buying 2 bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart, for my
dogs Maggie and Maya and I was about to check out when a woman behind
me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had, a monkey?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I
didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last
time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened
in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my
body and IVs in both
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with
my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of
the parking lot to lick my butt
and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!!
One OF MY PALS SENT ME THIS ONE" The hardest thing about disarming an armed suspect is not slipping on your own shit "
Michael P. Gordon E.O.W 08 Aug 2004
The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such.
12-19-08, 12:04 PM #2
oh that was funny-=Twan007
Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in alignment with his employer. Matter of fact, the poster will deny any knowledge of any post... this message will self-destruct in 5 seconds...
12-19-08, 12:39 PM #3
LMAO!!!The true measure of your character is what you choose to do when you think no one is looking.
12-19-08, 12:54 PM #4
"Here's your sign!"
12-19-08, 03:50 PM #5
Oh, I wish I had a dog so I can buy dog food just to try that... That is a good one
12-19-08, 04:03 PM #6SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM-Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"
"It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
-General Omar Bradley, United States Army
12-19-08, 04:58 PM #7
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