My best friend!
A guy walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. The bartender poured him the drink and the guy drank it down in one gulp.
"Wow," said the bartender. "Something bad musta happened."
"I came home early today," answered the guy. "I went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend."
The bartender poured the dude another triple shot. "This one's on the house." The guy gulped it down once again.
The bartender asked, "Did you say anything to your wife?"
The guy answered, "Yeah, I walked up to her and told her we were through. ‘Pack your bag's and get out!’ I told her."
"What about your friend?" asked the bartender.
"I looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘Bad dog!’"
3 Chicago cops were bragging about their first sexual experiance. "I nailed the girl in her room while her parents were sleeping in the room next door," bragged the first. "Well," said the second, "I nailed her in the back seat of her parents car while her dad was in the front driving." "Thats's nothing!" said the third, "I nailed her while her mother was watching!" "Wow," exclaimed the other 2. "What did her Mom say?" "Nothing. She just looked at me and went MOOOOO!"