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03-15-06, 03:52 PM #1
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When God Made Woman ...
One day, the Lord decided to make a companion for Adam.
He summoned St Peter and told him of his decision. He told St Peter that he wanted to make a being who was similar to man, yet was different, and could offer him comfort, companionship and pleasure. The Lord said he would call this being woman.
So St Peter went about creating this being which was similar to man yet was different in ways that would be appealing and could provide physical pleasure to man.
When St Peter had finished creating this being who could now be called woman he summoned The Lord.
"Ah, St Peter, once again you have done an excellent job", said The Lord.
"Thank You, O Great One" replied St Peter. "I am now ready to provide the brain, nerve endings and senses to this being, this ... woman. I require your assistance on this matter O Lord"
"You shall make her brain, slightly smaller, yet more intuitive, more feeling, more compassionate, and more adaptable than man's", said The Lord.
"The nerve endings, said St Peter. "How many will I put in her hands?"
"How many did we put in Adam?", asked The Lord.
"Two hundred, O'Mighty One", replied St Peter.
"Then we shall do the same for this woman", said The Lord.
"And how many nerve endings shall we put in her feet", enquired St Peter.
"How many did we put in Adam?", asked The Lord.
"Seventy five, O'Mighty One", replied St Peter.
"Ah yes, these being are constantly on their feet so they benefit from having less nerve endings there, do the same for woman", said The Lord.
"How many nerve endings should we put in woman's genitals", enquired St Peter.
"How many did we put in Adam?", asked The Lord.
"Four hundred and twenty, O'Mighty One", replied St Peter.
"Of course, we did want Adam to have a means of receiving extra pleasure in his life, didn't we? Do the same for woman", said The Lord
"Yes, O Lord", said St Peter.
"No, wait.", said The Lord. "Screw it, give her ten thousand, I want her to scream out my name!"
A Smile
A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.
It enriches those who receive it,without making poorer those who give.It takes but a moment, but the memoryof it sometimes lasts forever.
None is so rich or mighty that hecan get along without it,and none is so poor but thathe can be made rich by it.
A smile creates happiness in the home,fosters goodwill in business,and is the countersign of friendship.
It brings rest to the weary,cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,or stolen, for it is something that is of novalue to anyone until it is given away.
Some people are too tired to give you a smile.Give them one of yours, as none needs a smileso much as he who has no more to give.
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03-15-06, 03:54 PM #2
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Send me a postcard from Hell when you get there
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03-15-06, 04:12 PM #3
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Well, considering God designed women, I doubt that is where I'll be. Just think of the compliment it is to hear one's name.
A Smile
A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.
It enriches those who receive it,without making poorer those who give.It takes but a moment, but the memoryof it sometimes lasts forever.
None is so rich or mighty that hecan get along without it,and none is so poor but thathe can be made rich by it.
A smile creates happiness in the home,fosters goodwill in business,and is the countersign of friendship.
It brings rest to the weary,cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,or stolen, for it is something that is of novalue to anyone until it is given away.
Some people are too tired to give you a smile.Give them one of yours, as none needs a smileso much as he who has no more to give.
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03-15-06, 04:13 PM #4
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If that is the case, then I should change my name to "Done already?"
Originally Posted by Roses
I'm a PUBLIC SERVANT, so I'm not permitted to use my own judgement in any way.
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03-16-06, 10:22 AM #5
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I heard that when God decided to make a companion for Adam, he told Adam he wanted her to be his equal, so he was going to take half of his brain and half of his heart. Adam said, "Gee, what can I get for a rib?"
For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.
Winston Churchill
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03-16-06, 11:49 AM #6
I LOVE my ParaOrd .45ACP!
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And the rest is history!! Originally Posted by keith758
.The Swamp Mafia -"Heaven doesn't want us,and Hell's afraid we'll take over!!"
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