The Monkey And The Cue Ball
This man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulders. He takes a seat at the bar, lets the monkey go and orders a drink. The monkey is running wild through the bar, swinging from the lights, jumping on the tables etc.
The monkey then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it. The bartender is totally annoyed. The gentleman who owns the monkey apologizes, pays for his drink and the cue ball then leaves with his monkey.
A couple of weeks later the man returns with his monkey. He sits at the bar and lets the monkey run wild again. The monkey is running wild again. He jumps up on the bar where he spies a bowl of grapes. He grabs a grape and shoves it up his ass, pulls it out and then eats it.
The bartender is totally grossed out. "Did you see what your monkey just did?" He asks the man. The man replies "Oh yeah, since that cue ball incident he measures everything!"