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  1. #1
    Big Al's Avatar
    Big Al is offline There is no place like home....
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    Why I hate shopping

    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in
    and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.


    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

    Dear Mrs. Chapman, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Chapman are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras..
    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
    2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite
    them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
    13. October 9: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
    14. October 14: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
    And last, but not least ..
    15. October 16: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
    To be a good Law Enforcement Officer you MUST know the law!

  2. #2
    Car 4's Avatar
    Car 4 is offline CID Chief
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    Oh Man! I gotta take my wife to Wal-Mart tomorrow. This being retired wasn't supposed to mean shopping!!!


    Car 4
    I would like my country back. I used to believe that one man could never destroy this country. Not so sure anymore!

  3. #3
    Twan007's Avatar
    Twan007 is offline The People
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    i don't care who you are - that right there is funny
    -=Twan007


    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.





    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in alignment with his employer. Matter of fact, the poster will deny any knowledge of any post... this message will self-destruct in 5 seconds...

  4. #4
    Sandra's Avatar
    Sandra is offline Canadian K9
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    Very funny - thanks for the laugh.

  5. #5
    pc830cop's Avatar
    pc830cop is offline Just another squirrel looking for a NUT
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    could I get a medical retirement if I did those at work?


    Searching for Evil and the Perfect donut (Love that book)

    "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"
    -Batman Begins

    There are gains for all our losses
    There are balms for all our pain
    But, when youth, the dream, departs
    It takes something from our hearts
    And it never comes again

    "Captain, it is I Ensign Pulver. I just threw your damn palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crap about no movie tonight?" -Ens Pulver in Mister Roberts

    The man who will go where his colors go, without asking who will fight a phantom foe in the jungle and mountain range, without counting, and who will suffer and die in the midst of incredible hardship, without complaint, is still what he has always been, from Imperial Rome to sceptered Britain to democratic America. He is the stuff of which legions are made. ...His pride is in his colors and his regiment, his training hard and thorough and coldly realistic, to fit him for what he must face...and his obedience is to his orders. He has been called United State Marine.
    T.R. Fehrenbach, This Kind of War

  6. #6
    Shoestring's Avatar
    Shoestring is offline Please dont check the trunk...
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    Oh thank you for ammo on my next tirp to Walliword, my wife does not know what is going to hit her
    Somebody Please, what the hell is that smell?

    "The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."

    The views, opinions, stupid off the cuff comments, mouthy, obnoxious, thoughtless, etc etc etc are not always or even some of the time the belief of my department, so bugger off!

 

 

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