Women's Guide to Understanding Personals
40-ish........................... .....49
Adventurous................... ...Slept with everyone.
Athletic...................... .........No breasts.
Average looking....................Moo ooooo.
Beautiful..................... .......Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure................On medication.
Feminist...................... ..........Fat.
Free spirit........................ ....Junkie.
Friendship first......................For mer sl*t.
New-Age........................... .Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned..................... ..No BJs.
Open-minded.......................D esperate.
Outgoing...................... ....Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional.................. .......B*tch.
Voluptuous.................... ......Very Fat.
Large frame......................... Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate..................Stalker.
INTERPRETING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10 You're attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
INTERPRETING MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now.
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10 Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
