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Thread: How Old Am I?
08-05-09, 11:36 AM #1
How Old Am I?
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday.
She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?” “About 32,” is the reply. “I’m exactly 47,” the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
She replies, “I guess about 29.” ” Nope, I’m 47.”
Now, she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.” Again she proudly responds, “I am 47, but, thank you.”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks a senior gentleman the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, “What the heck, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay, how old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 47.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”
The old man replies, “Promise you won’t get mad?” “Promise,” she says.
He replies, “I was behind you in line at McDonald’s.”Pleasing nobody, one person at a time.
That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.
If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.
I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones
Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman
08-05-09, 11:46 AM #2SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM-Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"
"It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
-General Omar Bradley, United States Army
08-05-09, 12:29 PM #3
08-05-09, 12:53 PM #4
08-05-09, 01:04 PM #5
Mmmm ..... I wonder if I can get away with that
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