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  1. #1
    Five-0's Avatar
    Five-0 is offline Super Moderator
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    Cool The Truths of Life.

    Long but fun...Stuff in life..
    Enjoy!!!

    * I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

    * More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
    think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
    my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
    me.

    * Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
    realize you're wrong.

    * I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
    have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
    sticks when they've invented the lighter?

    * Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
    going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
    be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
    direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
    check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
    yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
    crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

    * That's enough, Nickelback.

    * I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

    * The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
    recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never
    be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

    * Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
    work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
    fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
    know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
    or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

    * There is a great need for sarcasm font.

    * Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
    suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first
    saw it.

    * I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
    becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
    90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
    laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
    bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
    only one who really, really gets it.

    * How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

    * I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
    take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

    * I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
    your computer history if you die.

    * The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

    * A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
    spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

    * Was learning cursive really necessary?

    * Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

    * I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

    * Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
    test is absolutely petrifying.

    * My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
    Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
    about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."
    Classy, bro.

    * Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all
    I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

    * How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
    and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

    * Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
    examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
    idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
    said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

    * What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

    * While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
    instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

    * MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
    know how to get out of my neighborhood.

    * Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

    * I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
    shower first and THEN turn on the water.

    * Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
    and you can wear them forever.

    * I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

    * Bad decisions make good stories

    * Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
    profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
    the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
    I do!

    * Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

    * If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
    probably just be completely invisible.

    * Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
    around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
    nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
    a problem....

    * You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
    when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
    productive for the rest of the day.

    * Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
    want to have to restart my collection.

    * There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
    going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

    * I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
    if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
    swear I did not make any changes to.

    * "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

    * I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
    TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge
    me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching
    this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the
    room. Will we still be friends after this?'

    * I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
    Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
    goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
    and run away?

    * I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
    anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

    * When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
    hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
    internet stalking.

    * I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
    then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

    * Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
    speed for pedophiles...

    * As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
    but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

    * Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
    know what time it is.

    * It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

    * I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
    answer when they call.

    * I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I
    find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from
    the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

    * Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

    * Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
    keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my
    ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in
    about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

    * My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
    happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

    * It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the
    link takes me to a video instead of text.

    * I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
    drive behind obeys the speed limit.

    * I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

    * I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
    Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

    * The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
    they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
    someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
    about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people
    eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
    myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard
    before dinner.

    Meanwhile, fishing in Russia:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzV5AIK8iM
    "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." -- Frederic Bastiat

    "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." Ernest Hemingway

    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Five-0" on Officerresource.com

  2. #2
    Pudge's Avatar
    Pudge is online now Site Admin
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    Lol! All awesome.

  3. #3
    Wolven's Avatar
    Wolven is offline Major
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    Those are great..and most are so damn true
    Never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr

  4. #4
    Odd's Avatar
    Odd
    Odd is offline Cosmonaut Trainer
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    I've met up with several of those embarrassing ones. Heck, take just a few out and this is a guide to my life. More fun this way I suppose.

  5. #5
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
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    Whoever came up with these must be quite a character.

  6. #6
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    Possibly the best post ever on here.Kudos.

    You must spread etc: sorry.

  7. #7
    altonc27 is offline Rookie
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    Da one about cops and enjoying speed limit is soo true. I had to do a interstate transport and it sucks cuz i was on I20 cruising speed limit and all i see is cars approaching then their front ends dipping down when they saw my car. I was going to wave them to pass then I noticed the cars in front of me were oddly matching my speed even when i decided to go under speed limit. wierd....

  8. #8
    mack's Avatar
    mack is offline Officer Resource Offical Auctioneer
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    LMAO, great post!

    My dad, I miss him every day.

    Originally Posted by Wolven
    Life is too short to wear unsexy underwear.


    I am a female!!!!! LMAO

    Be who you are and say what you feel.....
    Because those that matter...don't mind...
    And those that mind...don't matter

  9. #9
    mack's Avatar
    mack is offline Officer Resource Offical Auctioneer
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    Quote Originally Posted by mavriktu View Post
    Possibly the best post ever on here.Kudos.

    You must spread etc: sorry.
    Got him for ya!

    My dad, I miss him every day.

    Originally Posted by Wolven
    Life is too short to wear unsexy underwear.


    I am a female!!!!! LMAO

    Be who you are and say what you feel.....
    Because those that matter...don't mind...
    And those that mind...don't matter

  10. #10
    CajunYardDawg's Avatar
    CajunYardDawg is offline YOU'RE not right in the head
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    That made my day right there. I'll be laughing about some of these all day now.

  11. #11
    Buttercup's Avatar
    Buttercup is offline Thrives in sunshine
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    Those are great and some are so very true!!




 

 

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