Tiger story

[pgg]

Twas the night of Thanksgiving, and from out of their house,

Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by an enraged spouse.

She wielded a nine iron, and wasn't too merry,

She'd found a bimbo's phone number in his Blackberry.

He smashed the fire hydrant, as well as the tree,

Struggled as he did, to set himself free.

She swung that club, through the rear glass,

Yelling and screaming: "I'm gonna kill your ass."

The lights from the neighbors were soon to show,

The price to be paid for screwing a ho.

His car was a wreck, his face was blood-spattered,

His signature shirt was all torn and tattered.

He came up with a story, a bit of a tall tale,

To survive the weekend, not being in jail.

He'd been cheatin' on Elin, and as the story progressed,

Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.

He'd been cheatin' with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,

With Joselyn, and Kalika...the world heard the whole story.

From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,

Tiger's sad, sordid tale was all over the news.

With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,

When not in their pants, he was sendin' them text.

Despite all his cryin' and beggin' and pleadin',

Tiger's wife went aspendin' -- got her a nice house in Sweden.

And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,

"If you're gettin' laid, then I'm gettin' paid."

She's not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,

Her prenup made Christmas come early this year!

He's taking a rest he said, in an attempt to recover,

And practice his new career now, as Don Juan the great lover

[Jenna]

[Captain America]

[CTR man]