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  1. #1
    Xiphos's Avatar
    Xiphos is online now I Void Warranties
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    Sleep Talking (NSFW)

    This guy's wife records his prolific and unusual sleep talking at night. She transcribes it for a blog in the morning.

    Sleep Talkin' Man
    "Flap's on fire. Your flap's on fire! Chili in the vagiiiiina. I'm a bad bad boy."

    Karen's note: you guys have to image "chilli in the vagina" in a child's sing-song cadence. Creeeeepy

    "Don't... Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings."

    "I'm baking pillows. Burn them slowly, keeps them fluffy! Mmmmmm, pillows."

    "Potato bags. I can't find my potato bags. I need them! [desperately] Who's got my potato bags? Oh, fuck it! I'll have to use something else."

    "Dogs' scrotums. They stretch."

    "Pork chops are most satisfying. Mmmmmmm. Dangle them from the ceiling."

    Karen's note: After we listened to the recording, Adam turned to me and said, "I've never had pork chops."

    "Monkey power! Straight from the jungle."

    "My bagder's gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!"

    "No, not the cats. Don't trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much."

    "Snail fiddling is not an occupation I'd be proud of. You dirty fucker."

    "The stain, the stain. How am I going to explain that fucking stain?... Oh bollocks."
    Pleasing nobody, one person at a time.

    That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.

    If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.

    I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones

    Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman

  2. #2
    Captain America's Avatar
    Captain America is offline Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
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    There are some issues right there.
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
    -Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"

    Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
    -General Omar Bradley, United States Army

    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

  3. #3
    Second Chance's Avatar
    Second Chance is offline Be the last one standing
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    Thats funny shit right there...........
    Swamp Mafia





    The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
    ~Edmond Burke

    Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and like it, never really care for anything else.
    ~Ernest Hemingway

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Follow me on twitter.........http://twitter.com/SecondChance122





    Disclaimer: The opinions given in my signatures DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such.

  4. #4
    OfficerResource.com's Avatar
    OfficerResource.com is offline Site Administrator
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    Xiphos,

    I hate to tell you but you can probably record some funny shit from me while I sleep in DC. My wife says I say some crazy things in my sleep.

  5. #5
    cajunguy's Avatar
    cajunguy is offline I LOVE my ParaOrd .45ACP!
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    I always plead the 5th on anything I say in my sleep.


    .
    The Swamp Mafia -
    "Heaven doesn't want us,
    and Hell's afraid we'll take over!!"
    .

  6. #6
    Pudge's Avatar
    Pudge is online now Site Admin
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    That's awesome.


    I'm afraid of what those tapes would have if it were in my bedroom. yikes.
    "Like" us on facebook! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Offic...93147194083228

    Follow members of O/R as they tweet a "Ride a long" on their shifts on the front page of the site and on twitter at the following links:

    www.twitter.com/PoliceRideAlong
    www.twitter.com/lewisipso
    www.twitter.com/ORgopher
    www.twitter.com/SecondChance122
    www.twitter.com/pojmm
    www.twitter.com/ORGIB

    The opinions given in my posts & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Pudge" on Officerresource.com

  7. #7
    NC Bullseye's Avatar
    NC Bullseye is offline Officer First Class
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    I think this guy is a member of Monty Python reincarnated. My twisted imagination can already see half of those things with the cheesy Python animations...

  8. #8
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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    Hahahahaha!!
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  9. #9
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reca View Post
    Xiphos,

    I hate to tell you but you can probably record some funny shit from me while I sleep in DC. My wife says I say some crazy things in my sleep.
    Watch Xiphos get a 1000% raise in his moderator pay soon afterwards....


  10. #10
    IndianaFuzz's Avatar
    IndianaFuzz is offline Policeman Perry fan club
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reca View Post
    Xiphos,

    I hate to tell you but you can probably record some funny shit from me while I sleep in DC. My wife says I say some crazy things in my sleep.
    That sounds like a challenge!
    CHIRP! CHIRP!

  11. #11
    Buttercup's Avatar
    Buttercup is offline Thrives in sunshine
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    That is hilarious!!




 

 

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