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Thread: The Ranch Hand

  1. #1
    slamdunc's Avatar
    slamdunc is offline On The Beat
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    The Ranch Hand

    A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
    She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
    Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

    One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
    She quietly called him over to her.
    "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
    Trembling, he did as she directed.
    "Now take off my boots."
    He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
    "Now take off my socks."
    He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
    "Now take off my skirt."
    He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
    "Now take off my bra."
    Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

    Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
    'The Art of War' teaches us to "Rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's coming, but on our own readiness to receive him"--Sun Tsu

  2. #2
    Roses's Avatar
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    That was good! LOL!!!
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  3. #3
    Cris1102 Guest
    LOL!!

  4. #4
    Wise_undergrad_08's Avatar
    Wise_undergrad_08 is offline Master Officer
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    Rotflmao!!!!
    "A nation, as a society, forms a moral person, and every member of it is personally responsible for his society."

    -Thomas Jefferson, 1792


    Cotton candy don't get wet until it's in your mouth.

  5. #5
    213th's Avatar
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    I told her not to tell.



    I mean... great post.
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  6. #6
    keith720's Avatar
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    An old farmer and his wife were getting ready for bed. He saw she was naked, and he pointed at her breasts and said, "You know, if these gave milk, we could sell the cows." She didn't say anything. Grabbing her butt, he said, "You know, if this could lay eggs, we could get rid of the chickens." She looked at him, and grabbed his penis. "You know ," she said,"if this worked, we could fire the hired hand!"
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

 

 

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