Mental Health Hotline

[ms1600]

Thank you for calling the Mental Health Hotline.
Please listen to our menu and make the appropriate selection.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, have someone press 2 for you.
If you have a multiple personality disorder, press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we will trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and the call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, the voice inside your head will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 69696969696969.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

[Jenna]

What if more than one applies?