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Thread: $300 Scotch
05-01-10, 01:44 PM #1
A guy walks into a bar and says “What kind of scotch have you got?”
The bartender says “I have the finest scotch in the world!, but it’s very expensive, it costs about 300 dollars a glass, but you have to do some other things first before you are allowed to have it”.
The guy says, “What do I have to do?”
The bartender replies, “well, In addition to the 300 dollars, there is a woman upstairs who has never had an orgasm her entire life, AND, there is a native silverback gorilla out back that has a very serious back problem, If you can give the woman an orgasm, AND cure the gorilla of its back problem, you can have the scotch”
The guy says “You’ve got a deal!” And with that, he places 300 dollars on the table and triumphantly strides out back. He is out there for almost an hour, people can hear grunting, and the sounds of the intense physical strain of the man trying to cure the gorilla. After a very long time of wrestling with it, the man comes back into the bar, his shirt ripped to shreds and covered in bruises.
“Alright!” he says, “Now where’s that woman with the back problem?”Pleasing nobody, one person at a time.
That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.
If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.
I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones
Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman
05-01-10, 02:55 PM #2
LOL! Reminds me of this classic.
A small Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very "in the mood", and difficult to handle. On examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a redneck janitor, who was reputed to possess ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.
And so Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.
"First," he said, "I ain't gonna kiss her. Second, you can't never tell no one about this." The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third condition was. "Well," said Ed, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."\\` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
`` ` ` ` (3--(____)
"...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
05-01-10, 07:45 PM #3
HA!! I loved them both....give me a week to come up with $500!!!Insert witty comment and disclaimer here.
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