Attention hypochondriacs! If you are feeling the need to seriously freak yourself out, look no further than your local Walgreens store! Yup, starting today (Friday) you can purchase an at-home test kit that allows people who, well, worry about these things (obsessively) to see if their DNA makes them more likely to develop one (or more!) of dozens of different health conditions. Breast cancer? Check. Heart disease? Check! Alzheimer's disease? Can do! Just swab your cheek, pop it in the mail and within a week or so, your life will be completely ruined!
Freak yourself out with new at-home genetic testing kit - Brand X

Nothin like some good sarcasm!