The Fight

**Five-0** · 01-04-11, 02:49 PM

AND THAT IS HOW THE FIGHT STARTED

> One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

> The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

> When she asked me why, I replied,

> "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

> And that's how the fight started.....

>___________________________ __

> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

> I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

> 'No,' she answered. I then said,

> 'Is that your final answer?'

> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

> And that's when the fight started...

> ______________________________ __

> I took my wife to a restaurant.

> The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

> "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

> "Nah, she can order for herself."

> And that's when the fight started.....

> ______________________________ __

> My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

> I asked her, "Do you know him?"

> "Yes", she sighed,

> "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

> "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

> And then the fight started...

>_____________________________ ___

> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish

> cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

> The doctors say I will walk again, but I wil l always have a limp.
>_____________________________ _

> My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

> She asked, "What's on TV?"

> I said, "Dust."

> And then the fight started...

>_____________________________ ___

> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

> And that's how the fight started...

> ______________________________ __

> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

> She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

> I bought her a bathroom scale.

> And then the fight started......

> ______________________________ __
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

> I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..

> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...

> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

> And then the fight started...

______________________________ _

> My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

> She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

> "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

> I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

> I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started......

______________________________ __

I was on my way to work this am, not paying attention to the road and ran in to the guy in front of me, out from the truck I hit, jumps a midget and he is pissed I hit him, I try to explain what happened and just runs up to me shaking his finger and says "I am not happy"

so I say "well, which one of the dwarfs are you then"

that is when the fight started

**Buttercup** · 01-04-11, 03:08 PM

**Cidp24** · 01-04-11, 03:16 PM

HEH!!

**Sam** · 01-04-11, 06:08 PM

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started ~~~~