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Thread: The Fight

  1. #1
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    Talking The Fight

    AND THAT IS HOW THE FIGHT STARTED


    > One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

    > The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

    > When she asked me why, I replied,

    > "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

    > And that's how the fight started.....

    >___________________________ __

    > My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

    > I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

    > 'No,' she answered. I then said,

    > 'Is that your final answer?'

    > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

    > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    > And that's when the fight started...

    > ______________________________ __

    > I took my wife to a restaurant.

    > The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

    > "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

    > He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

    > "Nah, she can order for herself."

    > And that's when the fight started.....

    > ______________________________ __

    > My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

    > I asked her, "Do you know him?"

    > "Yes", she sighed,

    > "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

    > "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

    > And then the fight started...

    >_____________________________ ___

    > When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
    > When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish

    > cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    > The doctors say I will walk again, but I wil l always have a limp.
    >_____________________________ _

    > My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

    > She asked, "What's on TV?"

    > I said, "Dust."

    > And then the fight started...

    >_____________________________ ___

    > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    > My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

    > And that's how the fight started...

    > ______________________________ __

    > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

    > She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

    > I bought her a bathroom scale.

    > And then the fight started......

    > ______________________________ __
    > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

    > The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

    > I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

    > I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

    > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

    > So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

    > She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..

    > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...

    > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

    > And then the fight started...

    ______________________________ _

    > My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

    > She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

    > "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

    > I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

    > I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

    And then the fight started......

    ______________________________ __


    I was on my way to work this am, not paying attention to the road and ran in to the guy in front of me, out from the truck I hit, jumps a midget and he is pissed I hit him, I try to explain what happened and just runs up to me shaking his finger and says "I am not happy"

    so I say "well, which one of the dwarfs are you then"

    that is when the fight started

    Meanwhile, fishing in Russia:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzV5AIK8iM
    "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." -- Frederic Bastiat

    "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." Ernest Hemingway

    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Five-0" on Officerresource.com

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  3. #3
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    HEH!!
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    "It wouldn't take much for me to up and run...
    to another life somewhere in the sun."
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    "There's something inherently wrong with having to put on a bullet-proof vest and a gun to go to work."-(An old friend)


    Any statements or opinions given in my postings or profile do not reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employer or anyone else other than me. They are my personal opinions or statements only, thereby releasing my employer , any other entity, or any other person of any liability or involvement in anything posted under the username "Cidp24" on O/R.

  4. #4
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    I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
    It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
    So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
    And that's when the fight started ~~~~

  5. #5
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    My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive,
    So I took her to the gas station.
    And that's when the fight started...
    Verified Libra- There sure are a lot of people born in August around here.

    Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes he gets you.

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    Five-0 - you must've bumped into lew in that wreck for that last one
    -=Twan007


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    Cidp24's Avatar
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    A guy's wife said "I'm cutting you off!!!"
    He said "You can't, you don't know where I'm getting it!!!"
    And thats when the fight started...
    *************************
    "It wouldn't take much for me to up and run...
    to another life somewhere in the sun."
    *************************
    "There's something inherently wrong with having to put on a bullet-proof vest and a gun to go to work."-(An old friend)


    Any statements or opinions given in my postings or profile do not reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employer or anyone else other than me. They are my personal opinions or statements only, thereby releasing my employer , any other entity, or any other person of any liability or involvement in anything posted under the username "Cidp24" on O/R.

  8. #8
    Five-0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Twan007 View Post
    Five-0 - you must've bumped into lew in that wreck for that last one
    Ha

    Meanwhile, fishing in Russia:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzV5AIK8iM
    "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." -- Frederic Bastiat

    "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." Ernest Hemingway

    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Five-0" on Officerresource.com

 

 

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