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  1. #1
    Magnum440 is offline Older Than Dirt
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    Learning with Age

    This is by Dave Barry, a columnist who always gives a funny twist to life.


    16 THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN: by Dave Barry



    1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
    the same night.

    2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
    not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
    "meetings."

    3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

    4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
    you to share yours with them.

    5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

    6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    7. Never lick a steak knife.

    8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

    9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
    reason why we observe daylight savings time.

    10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
    that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
    from her at that moment.

    11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
    big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

    12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
    religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
    we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

    13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person
    (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

    14. Your friends love you anyway.

    15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
    the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

    16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes,
    and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
    something acceptable to have dinner with.
    Facta non verba
    "The good Lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits on his stupidity and that's not fair!" Konrad Adenauer,

  2. #2
    Daynathepayna is offline bad to the bone
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    I tried resist the urge to select one on the list to single out, but I couldn't. This one is too true:

    Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes,
    and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
    something acceptable to have dinner with.

    Dave Barry is great! I have always loved his humor.

  3. #3
    Roses's Avatar
    Roses is offline Member
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    Very good!
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  4. #4
    jmur5074's Avatar
    jmur5074 is offline Moderator
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    Dave Barry is a pretty funny guy. Good stuff!!
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  5. #5
    MisterK's Avatar
    MisterK is offline Monkey Man
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    13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person
    (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
    Very true..
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt

    ____________________

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

  6. #6
    Lo523's Avatar
    Lo523 is offline Master Officer
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    Excellent and so true.

 

 

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