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Thread: Men's Rules

  1. #1
    Lo523's Avatar
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    Men's Rules

    Men always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
    1 Learn to work the toilet seat. Youíre a big girl. If itís up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You donít hear us bitching about you leaving it down.


    1 Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!


    1 Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.


    1 Donít cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then youíre stuck with her.


    1 Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


    1 Crying is blackmail.


    1 Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints donít do it!


    1 We donít remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.


    1 Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think weíd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?


    1 Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


    1 Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Thatís what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


    1 A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


    1 Check your oil! Please.


    1 Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.


    1 If you think youíre fat, you probably are. Donít ask us. We refuse to answer.


    1 If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


    1 Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; itís genetic.


    1 You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


    1 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


    1 Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.


    1 The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it and quit whining to your girlfriends.


    1 ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


    1 If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.


    1 We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.


    1 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothingís wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


    1 If you ask a question you donít want an answer to, expect an answer you donít want to hear.


    1 When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!


    1 Donít ask us what weíre thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, sports or cars.


    1 You have enough clothes.


    1 You have too many shoes.


    1 BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.


    1 Iím in shape. ROUND is a shape.


    Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really donít mind that, itís like camping.

  2. #2
    FishTail Guest
    Aren't we snazzy in Times New Roman

  3. #3
    Lo523's Avatar
    Lo523 is offline Master Officer
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    LMAO - hell it was just the way it copied and pasted - you know I don't do technical!

  4. #4
    Daynathepayna is offline bad to the bone
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    Men are so irrational.

  5. #5
    BigBossMan's Avatar
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    Irrational?? Sounded pretty much like the way it is!! lol

  6. #6
    mainedawg's Avatar
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    The next time my wife is mad at me I'm going to resite those rules and she will never remember what we were fighting about. That should give me three days of quite time.

  7. #7
    BigBossMan's Avatar
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    3 days of alone time?? lol

  8. #8
    MisterK's Avatar
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    If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
    Ding ding ding.. we have a winnah!
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt

    ____________________

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

  9. #9
    BigBossMan's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    Quote Originally Posted by Lo523
    1 If you think youíre fat, you probably are. Donít ask us. We refuse to answer.
    That says it all.... lol

 

 

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