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  1. #1
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    Grandpas Tax Audit

    The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office.

    The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his

    attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an above-average lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying

    that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that

    believable.'

    I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa.

    'How about a demonstration? ' The auditor thinks for a moment and

    said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

    Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

    The auditor thinks a moment and says,

    'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The

    auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand

    dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

    Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

    Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

    The stunned auditor now realizes he has

    wagered and lost $three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He

    starts to get nervous.

    'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks

    'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of

    your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never

    get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is

    cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this

    old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

    Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains

    mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other

    side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The

    auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss

    into a huge win.

    But Grandpa's own attorney begins to moan and puts his head in

    his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

    'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when my client told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in to your office and pi$$ all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

  2. #2
    pgg's Avatar
    pgg
    pgg is online now Damnit, I'm hungry again.
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    'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
    delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly
    promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
    holds forth the proposition that it is entirely
    possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!'

    A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity. Sigmund Freud

 

 

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