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  1. #1
    Elle's Avatar
    Elle is offline Banned
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    Ways Not To Start Your Report

    1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
    2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent...
    3. The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire...
    4. Before I get into the details, Ive got a few "shout-outs" for my homeys in the command staff...
    5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure Id lose my mind...
    6. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end...
    7. Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly...
    8. Let me just start by stressing the fact that at no point was I without my badge and gun, and the nudity was critical to establish a certain level of trust with the prostitutes...
    9. The suspect then tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist.
    10. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away

  2. #2
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    " So, this Bitch comes runnin' to the door....."
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  3. #3
    Wise_undergrad_08's Avatar
    Wise_undergrad_08 is offline Master Officer
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    Those were great. Yours too, Keith. Rep for both of you. Thanks for the laugh. I sure did need it.
    "A nation, as a society, forms a moral person, and every member of it is personally responsible for his society."

    -Thomas Jefferson, 1792


    Cotton candy don't get wet until it's in your mouth.

  4. #4
    cntryboy0531 is offline THE five-oh
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    "This bastard started to mouth off to me, so I proceeded to 'work on him' until he shutup.. The end.."

  5. #5
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    "When the call came in, I said "Oh shit, here we go again" and hit the lights..."
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  6. #6
    Roses's Avatar
    Roses is offline Member
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    These are funny!
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  7. #7
    Welpe's Avatar
    Welpe is offline Wannabe NFL Ref
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    "The radio woke me from my deep midnight slumber...."
    "To the German commander: 'Nuts!' The American Commander" - General Tony McAuliffe, 101st Airborne Division

  8. #8
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    "I kept losing at Solitare, so I decided to answer the call... "
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  9. #9
    Welpe's Avatar
    Welpe is offline Wannabe NFL Ref
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    "Sarge, I have a story to tell you but before I do, you have to promise you won't be mad..."
    "To the German commander: 'Nuts!' The American Commander" - General Tony McAuliffe, 101st Airborne Division

  10. #10
    cntryboy0531 is offline THE five-oh
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    Quote Originally Posted by TattoodDucky
    "When the call came in, I said "Oh shit, here we go again" and hit the lights..."

    I've said that a few times actually. lol

  11. #11
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    Yeah, but you're not supposed to put it in your report.. LOL
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  12. #12
    MisterK's Avatar
    MisterK is offline Monkey Man
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    So this busload of nuns comes cruising by....
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt

    ____________________

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

  13. #13
    NavLaw's Avatar
    NavLaw is offline Officer First Class
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    i knew it was going to be a dead night when my FTO pulled a pillow out of his duffel bag and to me to stay on the smooth roads and don't stop anyone
    If you can't do it from a boat. Do you really want to do it?

  14. #14
    MisterK's Avatar
    MisterK is offline Monkey Man
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    So the frat boys say "There is no way that his cop is cool enough to do a keg stand." Of course in an attempt to protect the department honor..............
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt

    ____________________

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

  15. #15
    kdm0409's Avatar
    kdm0409 is offline ^ Female Deputy
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    I smelt the odor of beer coming from the suspect.
    (happened in a report of a trainee)

    The kid hitted his teacher at the skewl and I then arrested the kid that hitted the teacher for disorderly cumduct instead of assault cause the teacher that got hitted didnt want to press charges on the kidd that hitted her. (This happened in a report that was done by a guy that had been an officer at the college for about 4 years, then left and became a SRO for another county. When he worked at the college there was a sgt that would go back and correct and edit his reports, but when he went to the County no one did it for him. Hell, he had a college degree!)
    It is better to be tried by 12, than carried by 6.
    ______________________________ __________
    An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.
    ______________________________ __________
    In vino veritas!

  16. #16
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    I approached the local Y with an indian, a sailor and a construction worker..
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


 

 

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