Ways Not To Start Your Report

**Elle** · 05-01-06, 02:59 PM

1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent...
3. The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire...
4. Before I get into the details, I’ve got a few "shout-outs" for my homeys in the command staff...
5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I’d lose my mind...
6. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end...
7. Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly...
8. Let me just start by stressing the fact that at no point was I without my badge and gun, and the nudity was critical to establish a certain level of trust with the prostitutes...
9. The suspect then tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist.
10. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away

**keith720** · 05-01-06, 03:14 PM

" So, this Bitch comes runnin' to the door....."

**Wise_undergrad_08** · 05-01-06, 03:24 PM

Those were great. Yours too, Keith. Rep for both of you. Thanks for the laugh. I sure did need it.

**cntryboy0531** · 05-01-06, 03:33 PM

"This bastard started to mouth off to me, so I proceeded to 'work on him' until he shutup.. The end.."

**Ducky** · 05-01-06, 03:49 PM

"When the call came in, I said "Oh shit, here we go again" and hit the lights..."

**Roses** · 05-01-06, 05:03 PM

These are funny!

**Welpe** · 05-01-06, 06:35 PM

"The radio woke me from my deep midnight slumber...."

**Ducky** · 05-01-06, 07:37 PM

"I kept losing at Solitare, so I decided to answer the call... "

**Welpe** · 05-01-06, 08:49 PM

"Sarge, I have a story to tell you but before I do, you have to promise you won't be mad..."

**cntryboy0531** · 05-02-06, 01:32 AM

Originally Posted by TattoodDucky

"When the call came in, I said "Oh shit, here we go again" and hit the lights..."

I've said that a few times actually. lol

**Ducky** · 05-02-06, 01:45 AM

Yeah, but you're not supposed to put it in your report.. LOL

**MisterK** · 05-02-06, 09:01 AM

So this busload of nuns comes cruising by....

**NavLaw** · 05-02-06, 09:13 AM

i knew it was going to be a dead night when my FTO pulled a pillow out of his duffel bag and to me to stay on the smooth roads and don't stop anyone

**MisterK** · 05-02-06, 09:15 AM

So the frat boys say "There is no way that his cop is cool enough to do a keg stand." Of course in an attempt to protect the department honor..............

**kdm0409** · 05-02-06, 09:21 AM

I smelt the odor of beer coming from the suspect.
(happened in a report of a trainee)

The kid hitted his teacher at the skewl and I then arrested the kid that hitted the teacher for disorderly cumduct instead of assault cause the teacher that got hitted didnt want to press charges on the kidd that hitted her. (This happened in a report that was done by a guy that had been an officer at the college for about 4 years, then left and became a SRO for another county. When he worked at the college there was a sgt that would go back and correct and edit his reports, but when he went to the County no one did it for him. Hell, he had a college degree!)