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  1. #1
    Roses's Avatar
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    Differences Between Boy/Girl Friends

    The 9 Types of Boyfriends

    Joe Sensitive -

    "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
    Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg,
    Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
    Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

    Old Man Grumpus -

    "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."
    Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover,
    Advantages: Stays put; predictable
    Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass

    Flinchy -

    "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
    Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
    Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
    Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

    Bigfoot -

    "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
    Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n'
    Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
    Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

    Lazybones -

    Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
    Advantages: Well rested; easy target
    Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

    The Sneak -

    "Who, me?"
    Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
    Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
    Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

    Ace of Hearts -

    "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?"
    Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
    Advantages: Perpetually aroused
    Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

    The Dreamer -

    "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--"
    Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
    Advantages: Tells good stories
    Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

    Mr. Right -

    "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in
    my new yacht, ok?"
    Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
    Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
    Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

    The 9 Types of Girlfriends

    Ms. Nice Guy -

    "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"
    Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze,
    Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
    Disadvantages: May wise up someday

    Old Yeller -

    "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't
    you see you're making me miserable??"
    Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
    Advantages: Pays attention to you
    Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

    Sickly -

    "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."
    Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
    Advantages: Predictable
    Disadvantages: Contagious

    The Bosser -

    "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job.
    Make some money. Don't give me that look."
    Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes
    Advantages: Often right
    Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

    Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied -

    "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair
    Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
    Advantages: Easily soothed
    Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

    Wild Woman out of Control -

    "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it
    before. S'fun."
    Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
    Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
    Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

    Huffy -

    "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
    Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition,
    Iceberg, Snarly
    Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
    Disadvantages: You will have no friends

    Woman from Mars -

    "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our
    Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News,
    Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
    Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

    Ms. Dreamgirl -

    "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a
    boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!"
    Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
    Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
    Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you

    NOTE: I have been informed that this file was created by Matt Groening.

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  2. #2
    slamdunc's Avatar
    slamdunc is offline On The Beat
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    Extremely funny.
    'The Art of War' teaches us to "Rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's coming, but on our own readiness to receive him"--Sun Tsu



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