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Thread: The Classic Male Rules
05-08-06, 06:10 PM #1
The Classic Male Rules
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the "rules from the male side". These are all numbered "1" On Purpose.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down, We need it up; you need it down. Do you hear us complaining about you leaving it down?
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is why you have girlfriends.
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments more than 6 seconds old become null and void.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like a soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry we meant the other one.
1. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying and it is not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answers to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the team formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men like that, it's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can to give them an education.
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