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12-16-11, 05:50 PM #1
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found Shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Hudson
... Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. J.Hudson are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7:
He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away? This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Police were called.
9. September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least:
15. October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly,
'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.
One of the clerks passed out.Do or do not... there is no try. Master Yoda
12-16-11, 05:59 PM #2
LMAO !!SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM-Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"
"It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
-General Omar Bradley, United States Army
12-16-11, 06:10 PM #3
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Awesome post!
12-16-11, 07:02 PM #4
I actually think I may try one or two of them!For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.
12-16-11, 07:48 PM #5
I've heard this one before but under the Wal-mart banner. Great post!!!
Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.
Not a LEO
In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.
12-16-11, 09:24 PM #6
I think I hurt myself laughing. This may end up on my facebook page. Thanks for sharing!Blessed are the the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. MATT 5:10
12-16-11, 09:37 PM #7
Target doesn't sell guns...
12-17-11, 06:51 PM #8
#8 actually happened to hubby at work the other day.\\` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
`` ` ` ` (3--(____)
"...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
12-17-11, 10:14 PM #9
12-18-11, 11:51 PM #10
12-19-11, 06:46 AM #11
I'd do some of those.'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly
promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
holds forth the proposition that it is entirely
possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!'
A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity. Sigmund Freud
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