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  1. #1
    WSPCO's Avatar
    WSPCO is offline Rookie
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    WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

    WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found Shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

    Dear Mrs. Hudson
    ... Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. J.Hudson are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15:
    Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2:
    Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7:
    He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19:
    Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away? This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4:
    Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14:
    Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15:
    Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23:
    When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Police were called.

    9. September 4:
    Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10:
    While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3:
    Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6:
    In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18:
    Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21:
    When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least:

    15. October 23:
    Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly,
    'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.

    One of the clerks passed out.
    “Do or do not... there is no try.” Master Yoda

  2. #2
    Captain America's Avatar
    Captain America is offline Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
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    LMAO !!
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
    -Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"

    Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
    -General Omar Bradley, United States Army

    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

  3. #3
    Bjohnson63's Avatar
    Bjohnson63 is offline King of the Shit Bucket
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    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Awesome post!

  4. #4
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    I actually think I may try one or two of them!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  5. #5
    CTR man's Avatar
    CTR man is offline Officer First Class
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    I've heard this one before but under the Wal-mart banner. Great post!!!


    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

    Not a LEO

    In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
    In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.









  6. #6
    Broke Hoss's Avatar
    Broke Hoss is offline Corporal
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    I think I hurt myself laughing. This may end up on my facebook page. Thanks for sharing!
    Blessed are the the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. MATT 5:10

  7. #7
    213th's Avatar
    213th is offline Solipsist
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    Target doesn't sell guns...
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  8. #8
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    #8 actually happened to hubby at work the other day.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  9. #9
    213th's Avatar
    213th is offline Solipsist
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    #8 actually happened to hubby at work the other day.
    My wife was asked that today. She looked at the guy, yelled no you can't and walked out of the store.
    He who has the money, signs the cheques.
    He who signs the cheques, makes the rules.
    He who makes the rules, has the power.
    He who has the power, has the money.

  10. #10
    Ryan701's Avatar
    Ryan701 is offline Officer First Class
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    LOL!!!!

  11. #11
    pgg's Avatar
    pgg
    pgg is offline Damnit, I'm hungry again.
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    I'd do some of those.
    'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
    delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly
    promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
    holds forth the proposition that it is entirely
    possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!'

    “A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.” Sigmund Freud

 

 

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