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Thread: puns for fun

  1. #1
    JLK's Avatar
    JLK
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    puns for fun

    Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a toasted.

    A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

    A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

    Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

    Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
    Says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

    An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

    A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I
    amputated your arms!”;

    I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
    Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in
    the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
    the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why,"
    they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts
    boasting in an open foyer."

    A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
    family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain;
    they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
    birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
    wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
    twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
    produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
    which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
    breath. This made him. a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that
    there was a small medium at large.


    "A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
    Ben

    The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
    on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
    expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
    brought my rifle."
    (just stole this one hope you don't mind)


    The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant,
    it is just that they know so much that isn't so.
    President Ronald Reagan



  2. #2
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    The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference. He got that way from to much Pi.

    Why always 2 people in an ambulance? They're a pair o' medics.

    The research assistant couldn't test his theory on plants because he hadn't botany.

    Rice farmers suffer from "my grain" headaches.
    Blessed are the the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. MATT 5:10

 

 

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