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  1. #1
    Vendetta's Avatar
    Vendetta is offline Today, We are All Hokies
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    Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say


    My tire was thumping.
    I thought it was flat.
    When I looked at the tire...
    I noticed your cat.



    Heard your wife left you,
    How upset you must be.
    But don't fret about it...

    She moved in with me.


    Looking back over the years that we've been together,
    I can't help but wonder...

    What the hell was I thinking?


    Congratulations on your wedding day!

    Too bad no one likes your husband.


    How could two people as beautiful as you,

    have such an ugly baby?


    I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
    someone to love.
    After having met you...

    I've changed my mind.


    I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
    I never believed in Hell until I met you.


    As the days go by,
    I think of how lucky I am...

    That you're not here to ruin it for me.


    Congratulations on your promotion.
    Before you go...

    Would you like to take the knife out of my back?
    You'll probably need it again.


    Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
    (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky, and West Virginia)


    Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.
    Almost lifelike!


    We have been friends for a very long time...
    let's say we stop?


    I'm so miserable without you.
    It's almost like you're here.


    Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

    Did you ever find out who the father was?


    Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.

    So we're having you put to sleep.


    So your daughter is a hooker,
    and it spoiled your day.

    Look at the bright side.

    It's really good pay.
    "And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway", Buford T. Justice

    #1 Rule in Police: Sometimes its easier to ask Forgiveness than it is to ask Permission

    No one knows what it's like
    To be the bad man
    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

  2. #2
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    That's terrible!!!!

    That' s my kind of guy.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  3. #3
    Roses's Avatar
    Roses is offline Member
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    Good! LOL! I could use more then a few of those.

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown



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