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  1. #1
    Sheriff's Avatar
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    Letter From Walmart

    Dear Mrs. Fenton,

    Over the past six months your husband, Mr.
    Bill Fenton, has been causing quite a commotion
    in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of
    behavior and have considered banning the
    entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

    We have documented all incidents on our video
    surveillance equipment.

    Three of our clerks are attending counseling
    from the trouble your husband has caused. All
    complaints against Mr. Fenton have been
    compiled and are listed below.

    Wal-Mart Complaint Department MEMO

    Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints -

    15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his
    spouse is shopping:

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and
    randomly put them in people's carts when
    they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares
    to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
    leading to the restrooms.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told
    her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares.....
    and watched what happened.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and
    asked to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET
    FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
    department and told other shoppers he'd invite
    them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding

    8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can
    help him, he begins to cry and asks 'Why can't
    you people just leave me alone?'

    9. October 4: Looked right into the security
    camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his

    10. November 10: While handling guns in
    the hunting department, asked the clerk if he
    knows where the antidepressants are.

    11. December 3: Darted around the store
    suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission
    Impossible" theme.

    12. December 6: In the auto department,
    practiced his "Madonna look" using different
    size funnels.

    13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and
    when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!"
    "PICK ME!"

    14. December 21: When an announcement
    came over the loud speaker, he assumes the
    fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those
    voices again!!!!"

    15. December 23: Went into a fitting room,
    shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled,
    very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!!!"

  2. #2
    SGTDDUKE's Avatar
    SGTDDUKE is offline Rookie Sgt.
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    New Orleans, La
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    Sounds like fun. Where can I get a copy of the video?

  3. #3
    Lucky Seven's Avatar
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    Turns shopping into a whole new adventure.
    Job description as told by an Old Timer: "...drive fast cars, look at pretty women, and drink coffee".

  4. #4
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    Gotta try some of those ,sounds like fun.

  5. #5
    jmur5074's Avatar
    jmur5074 is offline Moderator
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    Good stuff.
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  6. #6
    BMBDAWG's Avatar
    BMBDAWG is offline Officer First Class
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    #9 was my favorite


    "ATTITUDE" - I am convinced that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% on how I react to it.

  7. #7
    Roses's Avatar
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    They all were pretty good. Sounds quite fun!

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown



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