11 Home Remedies

[AgentParsons]

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply drink a cup of boiling water and presto. The blockage will soon be gone!

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else; preferably a child molester, to hold them as you chop away!

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink!

4. High blood preasure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus releaving the pressure in your veins!

5. A mouse trap, placed atop of the alarm clock, will prevent your from hitting the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be to afraid to cough!

7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, this will distract your from your tooth pain!

8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. AND... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules Of Life really are. You need on two tools. WD-40 and DUCT TAPE. If it dosen't move and it should use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the DUCT TAPE.

10. If you woke up breathing. CONGRATULATIONS! You have another chance!

11. And finally... Be really good to you family and friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan!

[Emily]

1. 2. Clumsy? Avoid butting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else; preferably a child molester, to hold them as you chop away!

I wish I would have known that before I accidentally stabbed myself.

[Piggybank Cop]

Copied and saved with the hints from Heloious ( or whoever the hell she is ).