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  1. #1
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    Get Along Little Doggie

    A West Texas cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"


    The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his


    peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"



    The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany


    Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.


    Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy


    and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."



    "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.



    Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"


    The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"


    "You're a Congressman for the U.S. government" says the cowboy.



    "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"



    "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows.............. Now give me back my dog."
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  2. #2
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Hallelujah; can I have a witness?

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  3. #3
    zpd307's Avatar
    zpd307 is offline Master Officer
    Verified LEO
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    hhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! i hate politicians
    MANNNNN.... YOU MUST BE FAST, BECAUSE I WAS HAULIN ASS WHEN I PASSED YOU!

  4. #4
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Quote Originally Posted by zpd307
    hhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! i hate politicians
    Rates right up there with defence lawyers.


    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  5. #5
    mainedawg's Avatar
    mainedawg is offline da dawg
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    PDawg.....Way too good, four paws up.

  6. #6
    CountyFourteen's Avatar
    CountyFourteen is offline Sergeant
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    lol
    Any Post I make is my opinion only!
    I do not have the authority or the permission to post for my Sheriff's Office.



  7. #7
    GarcoDeputy's Avatar
    GarcoDeputy is offline Officer First Class
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    Nice!
    "We're surrounded. That simplifies the problem."
    Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC

    If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.
    - Sun Tzu, the Art of War

  8. #8
    BMBDAWG's Avatar
    BMBDAWG is offline Officer First Class
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    awesome!!!!

    Ric
    bmbdawg@yahoo.com
    DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

    "ATTITUDE" - I am convinced that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% on how I react to it.

 

 

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