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Thread: Border Watch

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    Willowdared's Avatar
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    Border Watch

    Liberal Migration

    The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
    intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
    the illegal immigration.

    The unflinching arrogance of the Bush Administration is prompting the exodus
    among liberal citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and
    agree with Bill O'Reilly.

    Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
    professors, animal-rights activists, and Unitarians crossing their fields at
    night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
    producer huddled in the barn," said M Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
    acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
    "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I
    said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my

    In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
    but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
    Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
    liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't
    give milk"

    Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
    the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across
    the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are
    not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I
    found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a pleasant
    little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

    When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
    loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
    circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in
    which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

    Liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border.
    Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap
    Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans
    disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping
    buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't
    identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious
    about their age," an official said.

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
    an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
    "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
    support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does
    one country need?"

    In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
    President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the
    administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to
    Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we
    might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is
    determined to reach out."
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

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    ida40dj's Avatar
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    loved it lol
    Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things!

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    Virginian's Avatar
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    Hahaha! That's great

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    Last edited by Jenna; 07-20-06 at 10:21 AM.

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