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  1. #1
    bufford408's Avatar
    bufford408 is offline Just green and furry all over
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    Are you a Democrat, Republican or A Southerner?

    Are you a Democrat, Republican or A Southerner?
    Here is a little test that will help you decide.
    The answer can be found by posing the following question:
    You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
    Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock 40 cal, and you are an expert shot.
    You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

    Democrat's Answer:
    Well, thats not enough information to answer the question.
    Does the man look poor or oppressed?
    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

    Republican's Answer:
    BANG!

    Southerner's Answer:
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click......(sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
    Daughter: "Nice grouping Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silvertips or the Hollow Points?"
    Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"
    Wife: "You ain't taking that to the taxidermist!"

  2. #2
    zpd307's Avatar
    zpd307 is offline Master Officer
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    thats funny shit!!!!!!!!!
    MANNNNN.... YOU MUST BE FAST, BECAUSE I WAS HAULIN ASS WHEN I PASSED YOU!

  3. #3
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    What are you if you break their arm over your leg and use their knife to take a "trophy?"

    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  4. #4
    MisterK's Avatar
    MisterK is offline Monkey Man
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    Wife: "You ain't taking that to the taxidermist!"

    But it sure would look good on the wall!
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt

    ____________________

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

  5. #5
    AgentParsons's Avatar
    AgentParsons is offline I'm no damn "Bounty Hunter"; I'm a Professional
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    Quote Originally Posted by bufford408
    Southerner's Answer:
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click......(sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
    Daughter: "Nice grouping Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silvertips or the Hollow Points?"
    Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"
    Wife: "You ain't taking that to the taxidermist!"
    Sounds like me and my family!
    Everybody is entitled to MY opinion!


  6. #6
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    In order to be a Liberal ....

    • 1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
    • 2. You have to believe that corporations create oppression and governments create prosperity. (This one is really important)
    • 3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists or Islamic fundamentalists.
    • 4. You have to believe that there was no art before government funding.
    • 5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
    • 6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
    • 7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of government funding.
    • 8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
    • 9. You have to believe that outdoorsmen don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
    • 10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
    • 11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.
    • 12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
    • 13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
    • 14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
    • 15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
    • 16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
    • 17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
    • 18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
    • 19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
    • 20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
    • 21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

    --Author Unknown

    Oh, the things liberals believe!!

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  7. #7
    snuffy2202's Avatar
    snuffy2202 is offline JUST ANOTHER TEQUILA SUNRISE
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    AMEN!!!

  8. #8
    bufford408's Avatar
    bufford408 is offline Just green and furry all over
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    Quote Originally Posted by AgentParsons
    Sounds like me and my family!

    Yea, mine too.

  9. #9
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Why I'm A Democrat
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why I Am A Democrat, by David Burge

    I sometimes hear the question, "Why are you a Democrat?" and frankly, I have to laugh.

    I am a Democrat because I believe everyone deserves a chance. And if necessary, a second chance. And if, by the eighth or ninth chance, this guy needs another chance, I mean, come on. This guy is due.

    I am a Democrat because I believe in helping those in need. All of us, you and I, have an obligation to those less fortunate. You go first, okay? I'm a little short this week.

    I am a Democrat because I believe in the equality of all people, regardless of their race. That is why I think we should give free medical degrees to minorities because, well, duh, like any of those types are going to make it through medical school.

    I am a Democrat because I believe in a strong military. Strong, yes, but caring and thoughtful too, and ready to face new challenges. A military that enjoys long strolls on the beach, cuddling in front of a warm fire, unafraid to show its vulnerable side. Must be NS/DDF.

    I am a Democrat because I believe there is too much violence in society, especially in our schools. To avoid another Columbine tragedy, we should have mellow "rap" sessions with at-risk teens, such as the Goths. The violence will only end after the teen Goths see that we adults really care, and are "hip" to their groovy teen Goth scene.

    I am a Democrat because I fervently believe in tolerance. Tolerance is critical in our diverse society, and if you have a problem with that, mister, then I will inform the authorities and I bet that after a few hours in their "special room" you too will agree that tolerance is critical.

    I am a Democrat because I believe that we should take our noses out of other people's bedrooms. I say we move the noses to their banks and storage sheds and scout troops, and so forth.

    I am a Democrat because I hold sacred freedom of the press, as well as freedom of the TV and freedom of the movie. Where I draw the line is freedom of the talk radio, and don't even get me started about that damn Internet and those Blogs.

    I am a Democrat because I recognize that education is important. Very, very, extremely very important. We must increase spending on education and enact important education reforms, such as eliminating standardized tests. Because we can never hope to measure this beautiful, elusive, important thing we call education.

    I am a Democrat because I believe in the separation of church and state. We must stop the religious extremists who want school-sanctioned prayers. Now, you tell me - with all that chanting and praying and incense-burning going on, how can our kids concentrate on the big condom-and-banana midterm?

    I am a Democrat because I believe in the rights of women, be they lawyers or housewives or skanky interns. For too long women have been the victims of discrimination, and we must target programs to help these women, and also the various people who have descended from women.

    I am a Democrat because I believe in women's right to choose. I mean, not a church school or a tax shelter, or something like that, obviously. Let's be reasonable.

    I am a Democrat because I believe in the rule of law. Or, at least, lawyers. Because hey, according to my attorney, I could have been on the Number 7 bus when it crashed yesterday. As far as you know.

    I am a Democrat because I believe a healthy economy depends on good jobs at good wages. So fork 'em over, you fat b@stard boss man.

    I am a Democrat because I believe the government should step in to create good jobs when that fat b@stard boss man moves my good job to Mexico. Hey, I know! Maybe we can take all the money that boss man spends on non-job-creating stuff, like solid gold yachts and mink spats, and use that money to create jobs.

    I am a Democrat because I fear the power of giant unrestrained monopolies, such as Microsoft, Nike, Parker Brothers, Univac and the Erie Canal Company. The government must wage an unrelenting, all-out war to crush these scary monopolies to a pulp before they get too powerful.

    I am a Democrat because I believe in campaign finance reform. Sadly, our politics are dominated by advertisements, paid for by the contributions of giant corporations. All too often, these drown out legitimate grassroots opinions, like the kind heard on TimeWarner-AOL-CNN, TimesCorp, or Disney-ABC.

    I am a Democrat because I believe in public support of the arts. By "the arts," I of course mean those things made by, or excreted by, an artist of some sort. It is especially important that art be provocative and take controversial stances, like opposing Jesse Helms, and so on.

    I am a Democrat because I believe in the environment and conservation. For instance, we must raise the price of gasoline, like they do in Europe, to increase conservation. If we don't, there will soon be a big gas shortage, and this will mean higher gasoline prices for you and me.

    I am a Democrat because I detest greed. Especially the sickening greed of those who struck it rich in the 1980s, and greedily refuse to give me any of their stuff.

    I am a Democrat because I... hey look! A new episode of Survivor! Geez, I hope they don't vote off Jenna, she's my favorite.
    __________________

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  10. #10
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Why I am NOT a democrat:

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe everyone deserves a chance. Until they screw up. I believe in facing the concequences of wrongdoings. Commit a crime, do the time. Want to be lazy, don't get paid.

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe you can only help those in need if you can help yourself first. Take care of your own responsibilities and then you can actually have anything of substance to offer another.

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe in the equality of all people, in that everyone has a chance to become a productive citizen. I believe every person is born with a chance to do something to whatever bad social situation they are in. I believe that all people are given equal merit consideration. That any person who works for something should be given their reward

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe in a strong military. A military who will not compromise to weaken itself and its country. A military that strikes hard and fast when necessary. A military with a sense of pride and belief in its country.

    I am NOT a democrat because there is too much violence in this country. Children need a better sense of family values and morals from an early age. Criminals need to face the FULL extent of their criminal charges. Law enforcement need to be able to focus on fighting crime rather than being politcally correct. Citizens need the ability to defend themselves because in reality, the only person responsible for your own safety is yourself.

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe we should take our noses out of other people's bedrooms. Individuality is key and everyone has a personal responsibility to develop oneself into a responsible adult.

    I am NOT a democrat because I value the freedom of the press. That said, I believe in personal responsiblity. Everyone is responsible for what they read and write (and every parent for what their young children read and write).

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe education is important. Standards in schooling need to be raised, and not lowered to simply allow the lower percentile to pass. I believe that education is also a personal and family responsibility, not just the responsibility of the government. I believe only through home encouragement, realistic academic challenges, and higher school standards can the quality of education in this country be improved.

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe in the separation of church and state. I do not believe in a mandated state church. I also am realistically aware that the country was founded on certain Christian principles, and avoiding any hint of it is not possible in this country. Just as it is not possible to avoid religious mentions in other countries. I am also aware that just because God is mentioned in our federal reserve notes and our flag salute does not mean that the Christian religion is forcibly imposed on you, contrary to what many believe.

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe in the rights of women. Not only the rights, but the dignity. I do not believe women are lesser creatures. I do not believe that if a man works and the woman doesn't, the woman is inferior. I believe that equal respect must be given to both genders. Yet I am also aware that both genders are not the same. I believe that women should be granted the same opportunities to pursue their dreams. And I believe a woman who chooses a more traditional role in life should not be mocked at as weak or oppressed.

    I am NOT a democrat because I do not believe in abortion for the purpose of allowing sexual promiscuity and irresponsibility to escape any consequence.

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe that the rule of the law. That rule, being that the groundwork of laws has been clearly defined over 200 years ago in a little document known as the Constitution. I believe that the law makers are obligated to the individual people and no the other way around. I believe that law should be cut and dry and not open to judicial abuse by lawyers and politicians.

    I am NOT a democrat because a healthy economy depends on productivity. Productivity can only be gained by freedom. And part of what binds us today is the lack of freedom. I believe that control of money is a major part of freedom, and for every percent you pay in taxes, that's 1 percent of your freedom lost. I believe in competition and capitalism. People should not be punished for honest hard work, but rewarded. I believe increasing tax brackets for those who produce a higher income is punishment of success.

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe that the governement is not empowered to help us grow. I believe that the government needs to return more financial freedom to each individual and as a result, businesses will prosper. More spending yields greater economic activity and jobs.

    I am NOT a democrat because I do not fear the power of capitalism. In fact, I embrace everyone's right to competition and that achieving success should not be punished.

    I am NOT a democrat because I am not easily swayed by campaign half truths and broken promises. I have a mind of my own and I am able to make up my own mind based on the existing truth. I elect my leaders based on my own principles, not based on who they tell me to elect.

    I am NOT a democrat because I support the arts. Just like I support any other industry. Funding should come from the private sector and from those who whole heartedly support them. I do not believe in having the government pay for everything, which ultimately means I am forced to pay for it through increased taxation.

    I am NOT a democrat because I believe in realistic environmental goals. I believe that natural resources were given to us for a reason. I believe in responsible use of resources. While I respect the wildlife and agree that they should be not abused, I do believe I am entitled to the resources of this earth just as animals and plants are. I do not believe they have higher authority over nature than we do. I believe that because of our greater power, we need to be more responsible. I believe in using what resources we can but protecting them from abuse at the same time. I believe in less reliance on foreign sources and being as self sufficient as possible.

    I am NOT a democrat because I detest greed. I realize increased taxation is another form of greed by the government, and that a greedy government is more dangerous than any other type of establisment. I believe that a person who is exponentially richer than another does not imply greed. I support charitable causes on a voluntary basis, not a socialistic approach to forcing citizens to relinquish a part of their earnings for causes they may not even believe in.

    Most of all, I am NOT a democrat because I believe in self responsibility. I believe that I am responsible for my own actions. I believe that my future success is based on what I make of it. I believe in family values and the power that a strong family bond can have.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  11. #11
    OfficerResource.com's Avatar
    OfficerResource.com is offline Site Administrator
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    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to 1sgkelly again

  12. #12
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reca
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to 1sgkelly again

    It’s the thought that counts.

    Thanks.
    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  13. #13
    bufford408's Avatar
    bufford408 is offline Just green and furry all over
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reca
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to 1sgkelly again

    What about my rep?

  14. #14
    IDBLTAP's Avatar
    IDBLTAP is offline "Donuts...are there anything they can't do?"
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    I'm a southener, but I live in Iowa...oh well.

 

 

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