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Thread: Laugh Lines

  1. #1
    AgentParsons's Avatar
    AgentParsons is offline I'm no damn "Bounty Hunter"; I'm a Professional
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    Laugh Lines

    1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

    2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

    3. The difference between the Pope and your boss ... the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

    4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

    5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

    6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

    7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

    8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

    9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

    10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

    11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

    12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will ? What Will ? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

    13 Definition of a teenager ? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

    14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

    and, last -- You don't stop laughing because you grow old -- You grow old because you stop laughing.
    Everybody is entitled to MY opinion!

  2. #2
    snuffy2202's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    re: #11 - Thanks to Viagra and plastic surgery, there's going to be a lot of old guys with stiffies and old women with perky tits, but thanks to senility they will have no clue as to what to do with them.
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
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  4. #4
    1*girl Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky
    re: #11 - Thanks to Viagra and plastic surgery, there's going to be a lot of old guys with stiffies and old women with perky tits, but thanks to senility they will have no clue as to what to do with them.
    Oh dear, I beg to differ...A friend of mine has 2 patients who are in their mid and late 70's. Both have a lady they go to see regularly to um, have some fun. Never once before did I ever think men of this age knew what "running a train" meant! (I honestly thought that was a phrase made up by my generation!)

  5. #5
    dla4079's Avatar
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    That is some good stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Capt. D. Larimore
    NTISF Gang Unit



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