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Thread: Deep Thoughts

  1. #1
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    Cool Deep Thoughts

    DEEP THOUGHTS

    1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather -- who died
    peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in
    his car."
    --Author Unknown

    2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
    get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
    "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"
    --Author Unknown

    3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's
    a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and
    they meet at the bar."
    --Drew Carey

    4) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
    I don't like and just give her a house,"
    --Rod Stewart

    5) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
    desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have
    fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong
    house."
    --Jeff Foxworthy

    7) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
    saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
    without even considering if there is a man on base."
    --Dave Barry

    9) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we
    should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to
    leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There
    should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they
    should have to find you a temp."
    --Bob Ettinger

    10) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in
    the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
    'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
    --Paula Poundstone

    11) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have
    better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of
    that study: "Duh."
    --Conan O'Brien

    12) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm
    halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my Gosh....
    I could be eating a slow learner."
    --Lynda Montgomery

    13) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in
    New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the
    poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
    --Richard Jeni

    14) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
    impersonators would be dead."
    --Johnny Carson

    15) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
    --Paul Rodriguez

    16) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned
    sixty, and that's the law."
    --Jerry Seinfeld

    17) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of
    fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest
    to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall
    people burn slower?"
    --Warren Hutcherson

    19) "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a
    member of Congress ... But I repeat myself."
    --Mark Twain

    20) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
    student. At least they can find Afghanistan!"
    --A. Whitney Brown

    21) "Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to
    rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
    --Robin Williams

    22) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I
    think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
    --Roseanne

    23) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
    --Billy Crystal

    24) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give
    you a look that says, "My Gosh, you're right! I never would've
    thought of that!'"
    --Dave Barry

    25) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease was
    taken.
    --Unknown, presumed deceased
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

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    "Ithink you should encourage and answer your childs questions. For example, my nephew asked me one day why it was raining. I told him God was crying. He then asked why God was crying. I told him God was probably crying because of something he did"
    Jack Handy
    (loosly paraphrased)
    Peace through superior firepower.

  3. #3
    Angry Mexican's Avatar
    Angry Mexican is offline Angry Vet
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    Funny!!

  4. #4
    dlefdal's Avatar
    dlefdal is offline LEF'S unofficial mascot
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    We need to talk about your avatar. I miss those perky lips of yours.

    When you find yourself in a hole............QUIT DIGGING!!!!!!!!!

    OK guys time to come clean. I am not only a police officer but I am also a big time movie star. I am using my real photo as my avatar now. Please NO autographs!!!!

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such

  5. #5
    dla4079's Avatar
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    "When it is my time to go, I want to be shot to death at the age of 90 by a 21 y/o jealous husband."

    dla4079

    Capt. D. Larimore
    NTISF Gang Unit

  6. #6
    dla4079's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dlefdal
    We need to talk about your avatar. I miss those perky lips of yours.


    DOES THIS HELP ANY?

    Capt. D. Larimore
    NTISF Gang Unit

  7. #7
    dlefdal's Avatar
    dlefdal is offline LEF'S unofficial mascot
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    Quote Originally Posted by dla4079

    DOES THIS HELP ANY?
    Those lips do nothing for you.....................theref ore,..................they do nothing for me. lol

    When you find yourself in a hole............QUIT DIGGING!!!!!!!!!

    OK guys time to come clean. I am not only a police officer but I am also a big time movie star. I am using my real photo as my avatar now. Please NO autographs!!!!

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such

  8. #8
    timatoe127's Avatar
    timatoe127 is offline NorCal Po-Po
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    #2

    True, True

    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.

    Jimmy Hoffa

  9. #9
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    Quote Originally Posted by dlefdal
    We need to talk about your avatar. I miss those perky lips of yours.

    The lips are on strike until Kimble says he's sorry for calling me a Badge Bunny!
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

 

 

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