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  1. #1
    snuffy2202's Avatar
    snuffy2202 is offline JUST ANOTHER TEQUILA SUNRISE
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    Makes you think!

    1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

    2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

    3. Why cant woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

    4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
    "hi, my names Bob. Im an alcoholic"?

    5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

    6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

    7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

    8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
    have a use by date?

    9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
    horrible crisp no one would eat?

    10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think ill squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

    11. What do people in China call their good plates?

    12. If the professor on Gilligans Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why cant he fix a hole in a boat?

    13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? Theyre both dogs.

    14. What do you call male ballerinas?

    15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

    16. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesnt he buy his dinner?

    17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?

    18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

    20. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?

    21. Why is it that when someone tells you that theres billions of stars in the universe,
    you believe them. But if they tell you theres wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

    22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

    23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

  2. #2
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?


    Brush your teeth!

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  3. #3
    Big Al's Avatar
    Big Al is offline There is no place like home....
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    Good stuff!!!!

  4. #4
    General Patten's Avatar
    General Patten is offline Surgeon General
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    good stuff...

    Id also like to know who first decided to crack open a chicken egg, fry the slimy shit inside it, and eat it for breakfast...
    SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING:
    Lead is very hazardous to your health.
    Always include Kevlar in your daily diet.


    "I always believe in being prepared, even when I'm dressed in white tie and tails."
    - Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.

  5. #5
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    20. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?


    always
    lol
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  6. #6
    snuffy2202's Avatar
    snuffy2202 is offline JUST ANOTHER TEQUILA SUNRISE
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    Quote Originally Posted by General Patten
    good stuff...

    Id also like to know who first decided to crack open a chicken egg, fry the slimy shit inside it, and eat it for breakfast...
    So True! Also, I'd like to know who first cracked open an oyster, saw the snot-like substance and said, "boy, I bet that would taste good!".

  7. #7
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Why do you drive on a parkway, yet park on a driveway??
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  8. #8
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    Quote Originally Posted by snuffy2202
    So True! Also, I'd like to know who first cracked open an oyster, saw the snot-like substance and said, "boy, I bet that would taste good!".

    that is soooooooooooo easy to answer...
    it was a desperate man on an island with a beautiful woman and he just couldnt get it to work... and besides that he had to give this beautiful woman something that would 'enhance' her appetite for him...

    it all comes down to the man and either his fitness or his libido?

    LOL
    ok...
    I am totally running off and hiding now.... your all going to pluck this little goose feather by feather....

    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  9. #9
    snuffy2202's Avatar
    snuffy2202 is offline JUST ANOTHER TEQUILA SUNRISE
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    A few more:

    1. Why do people go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    2. Why are you IN a movie , but ON TV?

    3. Why is "bra" singular, but "panties" plural?

    4. Why do toasters have a setting that burns the toast to a crisp?

    5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool/ HOV lane?

    6. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, is baby oil made from babies?

    7. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemmorrhoid when it's in your butt? Shouldn't they be reversed?

    8. Can you cry underwater?

    9. Do the Alphabet song and "Twinke,Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?

    10. Why did you just try singing the two songs?

    11. If you "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts", where did the extra penny go?

    12. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

    13. What disease did cured ham have?

    14. Why is is that people say they "slept like a baby", when babies wake up every two hours crying?

    15. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

    Last edited by snuffy2202; 08-25-06 at 07:41 PM.
    The strongest reason for the people to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against the tyranny of government.
    -Thomas Jefferson

    That is why our masters in Washington are so anxious to disarm us. They are not afraid of criminals. They are afraid of a populace which cannot be subdued by tyrants.” – Jeff Cooper'

  10. #10
    HockeyChick is offline Blah.
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    Quote Originally Posted by snuffy2202
    9. Do the Alphabet song and "Twinke,Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune?

    10. Why did you just try singing the two songs?
    I am SO Busted!!!

    LOL

  11. #11
    CountyFourteen's Avatar
    CountyFourteen is offline Sergeant
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    why does the doctor ask you how you are doing???? You are in his office.........hmmmmm duh!!!!!!!!!
    Any Post I make is my opinion only!
    I do not have the authority or the permission to post for my Sheriff's Office.



  12. #12
    JohnnyRotten's Avatar
    JohnnyRotten is offline Rentacop trainer
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    Quote Originally Posted by CountyFourteen
    why does the doctor ask you how you are doing???? You are in his office.........hmmmmm duh!!!!!!!!!
    I used to give my doctor crap over that all the time. "I'm here... how the fk do you think I'm doing?"

    Of course, I heard him dictating notes before... he begins "Diagnosis: sick!"
    "My motivation is slipping, people bug me, and I'm tired of wasting my time on drivel."

    - Rep. Otis Pike (D - NY)

  13. #13
    Cabot_517's Avatar
    Cabot_517 is offline Chuck Norris Rocks!!!!
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    why do they sterilize the needle for a lethal injection?

    and also, If a person with multiple personalities kills himself, is he a mass murderer?
    "Go Your Way; Behold, I Send You Out As Lambs Among The Wolves." Lk 10:3

 

 

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