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  1. #1
    Growler's Avatar
    Growler is offline I is not happy
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    For all My Fellas...

    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat
    hanger. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win!

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood
    and stare at the engine to find out what I should be looking for. If
    another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to
    fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I
    wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and
    break wind, as a form of holy communion.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no real problem. Lucky you!

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
    store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
    "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing and most
    probably no store is carrying them anyway.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
    on taking it apart. I know, despite that this may cost twice as much once
    the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
    while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
    looking for it . . . Switching channels is now a custom because of the
    7-minutes marathon commercials (you may have noticed).

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
    true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make
    up something else when you ask, so don't ask and be tactful.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
    come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
    than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need
    to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too (saves
    you an other trip to the store).

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
    are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if you are
    feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly remember the name and
    recommend it to others.

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
    were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
    With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
    Can we just go now!?

    ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share
    equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
    cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like
    wandering around in the garden with a beer and planning major repairs for
    the house or how to resist your attempts of moving to a bigger house
    (again).

    ______________________________ ____________________________

    This has been a message for women who are lacking intuitive knowledge
    understanding men. Steady tutoring is called for. More will follow.

  2. #2
    dlefdal's Avatar
    dlefdal is offline LEF'S unofficial mascot
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    Not funny Growler!!!!!

    When you find yourself in a hole............QUIT DIGGING!!!!!!!!!

    OK guys time to come clean. I am not only a police officer but I am also a big time movie star. I am using my real photo as my avatar now. Please NO autographs!!!!

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such

  3. #3
    Growler's Avatar
    Growler is offline I is not happy
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    And you thought I didn't care dle..

  4. #4
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Quote Originally Posted by Growler
    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat
    hanger. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win!

    I Have opened more car doors with a coat hanger then a key. I am from NY. ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood
    and stare at the engine to find out what I should be looking for. If
    another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to
    fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I
    wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and
    break wind, as a form of holy communion.

    No arguement. ______________________________ ______________________________ ______


    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no real problem. Lucky you!

    Trying to be funny? I don't get sick, and I take care of my wife everytime she is. ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
    store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
    "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing and most
    probably no store is carrying them anyway.

    Another joke. I do the shopping. Send my wife and I will eat potato chips, soda and ramen noodles for eternity. ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
    on taking it apart. I know, despite that this may cost twice as much once
    the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    I will replace it if I can't fix it. Most of the time I can fix it though. ______________________________ ______________________________ ______


    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
    while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
    looking for it . . . Switching channels is now a custom because of the
    7-minutes marathon commercials (you may have noticed).

    Again. This is my wife. I don't watch TV, she watches the color changes on the TV. I couldn't watch what I wanted even if I could pry the changer from her hands. ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
    true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make
    up something else when you ask, so don't ask and be tactful.

    I don't talk about cars. Guns, perhaps, or books. Or a good beer or steak. Not cars. ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
    come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
    than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need
    to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too (saves
    you an other trip to the store).

    No arguement here either. ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
    are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if you are
    feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly remember the name and
    recommend it to others.

    Well duh. ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
    were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
    With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
    Can we just go now!?

    My wife sees nothing wrong with wearing red tennis shoes with tan pants and an orange shirt. I don't even bother anymore. ______________________________ ______________________________ _______


    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share
    equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
    cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like
    wandering around in the garden with a beer and planning major repairs for
    the house or how to resist your attempts of moving to a bigger house
    (again).

    I do the cooking, laundry, dishes, gardening, and major repairs. Think she can handle the rest on her own?__________________________ ______________________________ __

    This has been a message for women who are lacking intuitive knowledge
    understanding men. Steady tutoring is called for. More will follow.
    Still love ya, Growler.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  5. #5
    lesta311's Avatar
    lesta311 is offline Evil is my business.......
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    I thought it was funny.........

  6. #6
    pc830cop's Avatar
    pc830cop is offline Just another squirrel looking for a NUT
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    Growler, have you been following me around. Showed this to my 10 yr old niece and current girlfriend of 5 days. My niece just kept saying "yup, uncle joe does that!" I think the new girlfriend was scared off today.


    Searching for Evil and the Perfect donut (Love that book)

    "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"
    -Batman Begins

    There are gains for all our losses
    There are balms for all our pain
    But, when youth, the dream, departs
    It takes something from our hearts
    And it never comes again

    "Captain, it is I Ensign Pulver. I just threw your damn palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crap about no movie tonight?" -Ens Pulver in Mister Roberts

    The man who will go where his colors go, without asking who will fight a phantom foe in the jungle and mountain range, without counting, and who will suffer and die in the midst of incredible hardship, without complaint, is still what he has always been, from Imperial Rome to sceptered Britain to democratic America. He is the stuff of which legions are made. ...His pride is in his colors and his regiment, his training hard and thorough and coldly realistic, to fit him for what he must face...and his obedience is to his orders. He has been called United State Marine.
    T.R. Fehrenbach, This Kind of War

  7. #7
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
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    All sound advice, in my opinion. I hope you girls take notes.
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

  8. #8
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    I didnt see anything wrong with it....ladies now you understand just a bit more???
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  9. #9
    snuffy2202's Avatar
    snuffy2202 is offline JUST ANOTHER TEQUILA SUNRISE
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    You got me, Growler!

 

 

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