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  1. #1
    Lo523's Avatar
    Lo523 is offline Master Officer
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    Health Question & Answer Session

    I Love this DOCTOR!!!!

    HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.



    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good !


    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!



    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:

    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - A bottle of wine in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
    Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.

  2. #2
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Who wrote that? Jack Black?
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  3. #3
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Quote Originally Posted by conalabu
    Who wrote that? Jack Black?
    Yes; Doctor Daniels did write that, donít tell me you have a problem with it.





    ps:

    Ah yes, Dr. Johnís magic elixir; it may not cure you but after awhile you wonít hurt or care.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  4. #4
    Angry Mexican's Avatar
    Angry Mexican is offline Angry Vet
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    very funny. all the guys were in stitches

 

 

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