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  1. #1
    dla4079's Avatar
    dla4079 is offline Corporal
    Verified C/O
    Join Date
    05-23-06
    Location
    Ft. Worth, TX.
    Posts
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    If you have a husband who is retired.....

    If you have a husband who is retired, you can probably relate to this
    story. If you don't have a husband who is retired, be prepared.
    Otherwise,
    just read and enjoy! If you are a retired husband, you'd better behave
    in
    the future!

    Dear Mrs. Fenton,

    Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been
    causing
    quite a commotion in our store.

    We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning
    the
    entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented
    all
    incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks
    are
    attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All
    complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

    *****

    MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton -

    Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in our
    store:

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
    people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
    minute
    intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
    the
    restrooms.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    tone, 'Code 3' in
    housewares and watched what happened.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of
    M&M's
    on lay away.

    6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted
    area.

    7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
    other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
    bedding department.

    8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins
    to
    cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
    mirror, and picked
    his nose.

    10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
    asked
    the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

    11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly
    humming
    the "Mission
    Impossible" theme.

    12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
    look"
    using different size funnels.

    13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
    through, yelled "PICK ME!"

    14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
    he
    assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
    again!!!!"

    And; last, but not least!

    15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and
    waited
    awhile; then,
    yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

    Capt. D. Larimore
    NTISF Gang Unit

  2. #2
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    05-16-06
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    3,406
    Rep Power
    4019285
    I do that stuff now.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  3. #3
    JLK's Avatar
    JLK
    JLK is offline Protecting Those That Can't Protect Themselves
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    06-23-06
    Location
    memphis
    Posts
    1,606
    Rep Power
    1388293

    Cool

    i do some of those already. must try t e rest. i am sure it will enrage the wife. fun fun


    "A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
    Ben

    The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
    on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
    expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
    brought my rifle."
    (just stole this one hope you don't mind)


    The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant,
    it is just that they know so much that isn't so.
    President Ronald Reagan



 

 

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