If you have a husband who is retired.....

[dla4079]

If you have a husband who is retired, you can probably relate to this
story. If you don't have a husband who is retired, be prepared.
Otherwise,
just read and enjoy! If you are a retired husband, you'd better behave
in
the future!

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been
causing
quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning
the
entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented
all
incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks
are
attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All
complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

*****

MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton -

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in our
store:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the
restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, 'Code 3' in
housewares and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of
M&M's
on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted
area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins
to
cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked
his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
asked
the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly
humming
the "Mission
Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
look"
using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, yelled "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"

And; last, but not least!

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and
waited
awhile; then,
yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

[conalabu]

I do that stuff now.

[JLK]

i do some of those already. must try t e rest. i am sure it will enrage the wife. fun fun