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08-15-06, 05:02 PM #1
If you have a husband who is retired.....
If you have a husband who is retired, you can probably relate to this
story. If you don't have a husband who is retired, be prepared.
just read and enjoy! If you are a retired husband, you'd better behave
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been
quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning
entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented
incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks
attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All
complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.
MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton -
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in our
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, 'Code 3' in
housewares and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of
on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins
cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, yelled "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
And; last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and
yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Capt. D. Larimore
NTISF Gang Unit
08-16-06, 12:37 AM #2GrasshopperVerified LEO
- Join Date
- Rep Power
I do that stuff now.And Shepards we shall be,
for thee, My Lord, for thee,
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls will it ever be.
In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.
08-16-06, 01:25 AM #3
i do some of those already. must try t e rest. i am sure it will enrage the wife. fun fun
"A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
brought my rifle."
(just stole this one hope you don't mind)
The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant,
it is just that they know so much that isn't so.
President Ronald Reagan
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