One liners at work

[zap]

I heard a great one liner the other night. Deputy asks a guy for ID so the guy pulls out his wallet. Only when he did, he drops a blue condom on the ground.

Deputy --without missing a beat and totally straight faced says:

"So, what you gonna do with that? Twist up some blue animals?"




Anyone else heard a good one lately?

[dla4079]

OK, let me set this up:
We have been having a couple of problems with some female officers claiming pregancy so they don't have to go downrange at my unit. One day My Sgts and I were getting our shift rosters ready for shift when I was informed by my Sgt of an Officer claiming pregnant. I let my mouth open before thinking the question out thoroghly and asked:
"So how long is she going to pregnant this time?"

My Sgt, with out missing a beat, looked me in the eyes and smiled:
"Well I am guessing 9 months, or until the baby is born."

Well I just looked back down at my roster and smiled, my other Sgt is over in the corner laughing his a$$ off, looks at me and says:

"You asked for that one Cap."

Thats what I love about my Segeants, they are a blast. Makes the shift fun, wouldn't trade them in for nothing.

[jmur5074]

Found a couple of parkers in the backseat of a car one night; this is how the conversation went:

ME: What're you doing?
Boy: We're.....looking at stars...
Me: So....can you see them better from the backseat?
Boy: hahaha....uh yeah....
Me: Hey, tell your girlfriend to pull her underwear up from around her ankles, and you both need to get out.


I also haerd a guy I work with say "It smells like bob marley's ass in here!" when he started searching a car a bunch of MJ using kids were in. I've also used that line a couple times, but we stole it from the ACLU video.