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  1. #1
    slamdunc's Avatar
    slamdunc is offline On The Beat
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    Her First Golf Outing

    A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.
    The wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

    The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

    So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, Come on in. When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

    A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window and my bottle?" "Uh...yes, sir. We're truly sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually, I want to thank the two of you. You see, I am a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for over a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.

    "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life! "Your wish is my command," said the genie. "It's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!

    "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked."

    "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world!" she exclaimed. "Your wish in my command," said the genie. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary, and natural disasters!"

    "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, Genie?"

    "Well, since I'd been trapped in that bottle, I haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

    The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, Honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

    So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

    After hours of non-stop pleasure, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No kidding," he said.

    "Thirty-five years old... and both of you still believe in genies??!!"
    'The Art of War' teaches us to "Rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's coming, but on our own readiness to receive him"--Sun Tsu

  2. #2
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    hahahahahahaha!
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

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    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

 

 

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